My Ramblings...

[A.Positive]

Well, we got home much earlier than expected. Andrew didn't take the children to my mum's in the end. It meant that he got to me at about 8 o'clock which was great. The silly man, didn't think to feed the children before he left though, so they were starving! It was a good job that I bought a few packets of roasted vegetable crisps for Andrew from the hospital shop; they ate those on the journey home and watch Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom on my phone.

It was lovely being surrounded by them and seeing their faces when I got into the car. I don't ever want to forget it.

I have been trying to ease my mind a lot lately. I have been living with fear of regain after my Bypass as you know but today it finally hit me...

Many moons ago and after years and years of yo-yo dieting, I joined a Slimming World group (as you know) and I lost 5 stone. It was the only diet that became a total way of life, I change my lifestyle completely and as a result, I kept the weight off for 5 years. I enjoyed the plan, I had daily treats as long as they were "syned" and even allowed myself a day off here and there. I never got scared of regain, I didn't let it cripple me, I would just get back on track the next day and think nothing more of it. 5 long and happy years of freedom.

I then had Ava and Maxwell very close together and gained 8 stone. I went back to Slimming World but I was so big that losing 1-2 lbs a week was not enough (in hindsight I see how unrealistic I was being). I allowed myself to become disheartened and depressed and gained even more weight. I then became trapped in a vicious cycle, became ill as a result of my excess weight and started my WLS journey.

My point here is that, I have what it takes to keep this weight off. I don't need to be afraid. I don't need to let it stop me living my life. I just need to follow the rules, just like I did when following the Slimming World plan. There is no need to obsess, just follow the plan that my dietician has given me. I am still not sure if I want to go back to Slimming World yet, I will think on it.

Gosh, this is the only place I can come and let everything that goes on in my mind free without fear of being labelled a lunatic.

 

[chrisa]

Thats what we are here for pleased you had the privilege of seeing the kids faces when you got in the car, they will stay with you in that image when you have your bypass op and are away from them xxxx

 

[los in it]

So glad your home, back in the arms of your loving family
in the time I have been on this site I feel very blessed to have made many cyber friends who understand how im thinking and feeling about things as much as my family /friends try to understand yiu guys on here "get it"
so carry on airing your thoughts and views
go and rest up and enjoy been home with the family x

 

[Lilacglittergirl]

Exactly Alex, just stick to it and you'll do well. Don't waste precious energy stressing about something which is almost certainly not going to happen, unless something goes drastically wrong in your head. You are a strong spirited woman so I doubt it will. You will see what the bypass does - prevents comfortably eating large quantities of food, dumping prevents eating sugars and fats, and fundementally the disconnetion of the hungef-driving hormones means there is little need to eat. roll-on Tuesday xx

 

[A.Positive]

My dears, I need all the finger crossing and toe crossing (and anything else you can cross) that you can manage.

I am on the surgical list for tomorrow but there is still no guarantee; apparently there are no beds at St. George's. I will know if I am to go in a little after 9 o'clock tomorrow morning.

*St Ant's, St, Ant's, St. Ant's* She whispers.

 

[lynseyscott]

Fingers, toes, eyes and everything else crossed for you xxx

 

[chrisa]

Everything crossed for you and prayers said and will continue for you. Lets just hope tomorrow is the day, you have waited this long its time now hopefully. Good luck with everything I start y 24hr shift tomorrow so wont be back on til Wednesday afternoon, I will be watching for posts xxxxxxx

 

[A.Positive]

Thank you my lovelies.

Chrisa, what is it that you do? I cannot imagine working a 24 hour shift!!

 

[chrisa]

Well actually it is longer than 24hr but it s not all working. I work in A young peoples service, we have 8 beds, our clients are between 16 and 25 years of age. They are referred to us when they have no where else to go. They can stay for upto 2 years. Some have fallen out with family, some connected with drink n drugs and some convictions and odd one out of prison. WE start at 8:45am work through till midnight with 2 1.2 hour breaks in between and then we go to sleep over room where we have a bed we are not expected to leave the room unless there is something major happening. we start again at 7am. I am always up and in the office long before that then we finish at 10:45am n that's it. WE are lone working for most of it anywhere from midday you could be on your own and on a weekend the whole shift would be lone working apart from our handover time, I hate lone working would much rather work with others. You just never know when something is going to kick off. WE have specific clients and we have to make sure they are on correct benefits and get them functioning ready for the real world budgeting and paying rent which is a thankless task. I am always asking for rent and some of them get very shirty about it. No money for rent but always some for cannabis n whatever else they may require new clothes or trainers etc. Never a dull moment. I don't sleep well at home and sleep worse there because I am conscious that I am in charge in case fire alarm goes off or trouble erupts. The police know us quite well now lol, xxxx

 

[A.Positive]

Gosh, what a responsibility and what hours. You must get a real sense of job satisfaction with those clients that make it through and out of the "home" having been rehabilitated due to your guidance and support.

With the personality that you have, it sounds like the perfect job for you. How long have you been doing it?

 

[Smallerme]

I'm hoping you get word nice and early love of it going ahead. Will be thinking of you.

 

[Just]

Apostive,

Hi I am new to this site but have been following your journey , good luck for tomorrow and I hope your operation goes ahead and wish you well, you are a very courageous lady xxx

 

[Lilacglittergirl]

Alex! Everything is crossed here, and double crossed for St Anthony's ... I know you'll be in touch as soon as you have news ... I so hope it goes ahead hun xxxxx

 

[chrisa]

Hi Apostive I have been working with this project for about year and a half now strted at a different unit to this one I am at now, I have been at this one A year. We work under the Home GRoup umberella, we work for Stonham Housing. Prior to that I worked in aa school as an LSA/TA. Until I was made redundant after 9 years. I mainly worked with less academic and SEN kids. My last few years were spent with vocational though and some of our ex school clients have ended up where I am working. Usually for them it is a form of stability. It can be rewarding but alos stressful. We have a new boss well 2 actually and we are doing even more now than before, the wage isn't brilliant, and personally I would rather just do 12 hr shifts and not do nights. But we cant pick n choose, we are just trialling these 24hr shifts for 3 months. They wont stay, I like the time off it gives us in between shifts, our last lot of shifts were awful you either worked days which I loved or nights on a 3 week rolling rota. But very little time off working those shifts. Don't think they will ever find something that suits us all lol. I am quite strict with them all fair but firm. I don't deal with lies and would rather they tell the truth I don't promise to like it but we can try and pick up the pieces and move on from there, but I do not like lies. Earlier this year I had the pleasure to have a client who would not go to college, could not hold a course down but insisted he kept claiming Income Support. WE had him at several interviews for different courses, but never settled at all the very last one he went on well attended 2 days, he was leaving and saying he was going but I was 2 steps ahead and as he was leaving would email the tutor to say he was on his way and by 11am the tutor woyuld reply with no show, I would catch him around 3-4pm Oh he had had a good day at college and had an early finish. Few days of that and confronted him of he was mad that he had been rumbled yet again. WE have to have confidentiality forms signed to speak to different people on their behalf. He would not sign on e for his parents, Poor mam thought he was on a course since previous September, she had even picked him up in the vicinity of the college once a week to take him out to tea, she used to buy him shopping on the 2nd week of his benefit payment knowing he would have no cash left un til his next payment and all he could do was lie to her. He stopped paying rent also, spent it on cannabis. He eventually was given his notice, only on the last day he had to leave did we have the right to speak to his mam without his consent because he was physically homeless. WE had to tell her about college, she came to the project and we explained everything she was a broken woman as you can imagine. She does a similar job to us as well. She couldn't get over the deceit. He nearly died when he came down to the office and saw her sitting there, he had promised to meet her that night at college even though we had told her what was going on, she was waiting to see how he would get out of it, he rang her before she came to se us saying he had slept in and hadn't made it in to college. She was broken hearted. She told him he was in his own now, She walked away after he stormed out and to my knowledge only the last few weeks has she felt able to meet him for the odd occasion. She had bent over backward for him he was her only child. He is still as we say sofa surfing has not found a place of his own because his money goes on drink and cannabis. Some people you cannot help the penny will drop one day but just hope its not too late for some of them. xxx

 

[heavenlykaty]

Good luck today Alex, we are all behind you, I hope you are writing a book of your journey as it would be a beat seller! Your honesty and strength are an inspiration.

You are in our prayers x

Kate

 

[lynseyscott]

Best of luck apositive xxxx

 

[A.Positive]

Gosh Chrisa, I can see how hard that must be, especially when you give the clients your all. I can't imagine how his mum even began to come to terms with all of that. God willing he will find peace in his life and begin to see the error of his ways and accept help when it if offered.

Guys, I am going in!!! Someone has been bumped off the list as their surgery it far too risky and there is no high dependency bed for them if the worst should happen. I get the slot!!

I am all packed (I didn't really unpack from my last admission, LOL!) and just waiting for Andrew to get home to give me a lift.

See you on the other side!!! xx

 

[los in it]

All the very best
see you on the losers bench!

 

[A.Positive]

Haha! Don't you mean the "gainers bench"?! That being said, I will probably end up losing a bit more before I get the hang of all this. Xx

 

[Bear]

Will be thinking of you. x