Well my dears, here I am. I wish, wish, wish I had some new and exciting news for you but life has not really moved on and for that reason I have avoided posting. I am 6 stone 4/3lbs today. I don't really know as the scale is no longer worth using. I did get rid of it some time ago as you know but was encouraged to introduce my little electronic friend (pah!) after my Bypass in order to keep track of my rapidly decreasing weight. Food is the enemy! I can say that with a little smile, although I know that some of you and everyone that sees me will certainly not, especially when they look at me. I am a bag of bones. Bones that probably weigh less than they really should for a 32 year old woman. My friend came to see me today and cried, my family just demand that I "eat something" on an almost daily basis and my body aches when I brush up against things. Food is the enemy I repeat! And so is this notion that I go and get a feeding tube inserted. I just won't. I want everyone to trust me and my efforts in trying to eat and without sounding ungrateful for thier concern; leave me alone, just a little. Back off and stop bullying me. Food is the enemy. Hahah! I'm sorry guys but it really is and I never thought I could blasfeem in such a way. It has absolutely no appeal to me what so ever and feels like hell to have it in my system. I dump (or at least that is what I believe it to be) on almost anything I try to eat and the pain it causes is horrendous. Yesterday morning, after being harassed by my mother to get to 7 stone, I threw a tantrum (I knew what would happen but tried anyway) and ate a few spoonfuls of Ready brek. Well, what followed was a few hours of agony of the chest, rocking back and forth on the toilet, griping of the intestine, gagging and wretching, sweating, shaking and groaning. My husband just stared on in wide eyed amazement or horror, I was to sick to figure it out, and I dragged my quivering body back to bed and waited for it to pass enough for me to get washed and receive my friend. This is life and I accept that I may never be able to really live it normally again. I drink very weak warm drinks and homemade soup (not hot as Francis and Yve suggested) as these cause my stomach cease. I get wind all the time which cause even more discomfort and pain and oh yes, I get so cold now that I can no feel how hot my hot water bottles are and have burned my skin off several times. I may have to sack them or get different covers. I have not been to see my team in a wee while (I do see my GP; though) I repeat, don't want a feeding tube and I won't be forced. I take my supplements and get on with my version of life. I don't want to be interfered with any more (not for now anyway). I just want to chug along under my own steam until I feel things are bad enough to warrant intervention. I am not afraid, I am living in acceptance. This is my tale and I am not labelling it good to bad. It just is. I clean, I drag my tiny body around in children's clothing (today I wore a pair of new jeans that were meant for my 11 year old son and were far too tight for him. They fit with an abundance of room to spare), and do what I can I have a thigh gap to die for and a very expensive pressure support cushion for my bony behind its memory foam, it's memory foam I'll have you know! I meditate which has kept me sane and I listen to Radio 4 drama and love it! Haha! The Archer's is flipping superb. I knit and read and continue to journal. The children are doing well; Ava's parent's evening was exceptional. At 5 she is top of her class in reading and maths and is full of enthusiasm for learning. Maxi, is obsessed with Toy Story, Mr Tumble and the general constant repetition of things. So much so that we think he has a touch of Autism. He has been referred to a specialist for his delayed speech also. Although, we can understand him just fine. When he repeats himself like he does, I almost wish we could not! Hah! Cameron is doing well at high school, he is on almost every committee and sports team going! Well, hope you are all well and enjoying your lives. Chrisa, how is little (I'll bet she is so little anymore?) Emmy doing? Take care, you lovely lot and I may check in soon just to let you know I am still around.
