sad and dissapointed

[Beegee]

So after much consideration I decided not to tell anyone about my surgery except for two people. My mum so she can stay and help with my 10 year old post surgery and my boss. I booked holiday rather than time off so my work colleagues wouldn't know and I wouldn't have to explain.... However, I have just seen an email from my boss to all my colleagues explaining who will cover while I am having surgery. I just called my mum to tell her how upset I was and she has also done the same phoned all my family to tell them all about it. :cry:

 

[lyzzyanne]

Oh dear,
I never told them at work, just said I was having abdominal 'Lady' surgery the surgeon signed my certificate as abdominal surgery.
I knew my mum would be the same so I told my dad early on but told her the night before I went into hospital.
Did you tell your boss it was confidential?? They are out of order to tell colleagues your personal business.

 

[Butterfly_lady]

This is why I'm telling no one, did you ask your boss not to tell anyone, I'm sure this is a breech of confidence if she goes and tells everyone. I really feel for you xx

 

[Lilacglittergirl]

Oh dear. Don't know what to say. Did you tell both of them it was confidential? Have you shared the nitty-gritty - and therefore used the words 'weight loss' and/or 'gastric bypass'? My work knew I was having surgery on my system. I have been pretty open with them with what was involved but never used the exact words 'gastric bypass'. I felt it would be less pressure in the long run if they knew something, than the stress of feeling I was having to explain or justify the dramatic change in my diet. If the email from your boss to colleagues said you were having (non-specific) surgery then in my view and experience it might be a blessing in disguise that your boss sent it. If, however, you made it plain from the start you did not want it shared in any way, then I think you need to have a word to express your disappointment, and put your energy in to preparing for how you are going to deal with them as the deed is done and you cannot turn back the clock. Hugs xxx

 

[Beegee]

Thanks all... yes the cat is well and truly out of the bag. My boss just told them I was having surgery in the email but I am now not sure now if she has discussed this with some of the other team members as the email was worded in a way that they would know what I was having. I will need to find out on Monday... I feel so gutted about it I have been sitting here in tears. Its made worse by the fact that she is a friend I confided in and who helped me make the decision to have the surgery... she knew I didn't want to discuss it with anyone.

 

[Banderbird]

That's absolutely disgraceful, I would be LIVID. That is such a huge breach of trust, what an absolute b****. Is there anyone in HR you could speak to?

All you can do now is go ahead, hold your head high and ignore the gossips.

Chin up xx

 

[paddyp]

That is so disrespectful of your boss and I am sorry that you have had to go through this. You must feel very let down. I would be speaking to my boss to ask why they thought it was acceptable to breach your privacy in that way. Sx

 

[rudders]

That really is a complete betrayal of trust!!!


May I just ask why people choose to not tell anyone, what are the reasons?

Thank you x

 

[Summerband]

I really feel for you. I told only my husband and my mum as she had to babysit whilst I went for surgery. She knew I didnt want anyone to know as I have 2 daughters and I specifically didnt want to have to explain it to them so young.

She told my Nan who told the whole family despite knowing I wanted it kept private for my daughters....until I felt the time was right to share it with them.

Luckily work do not know. But it really hurts having your trust broken.

Hugs.

 

[Butterfly_lady]

That really is a complete betrayal of trust!!!


May I just ask why people choose to not tell anyone, what are the reasons?

Thank you x

My reasons are pretty simple tbh, I'm a very private person, I work online and have never met any of my 300+ workmates even though there is regular meet ups, I don't have any friends as such I will go along with my partner if he has any work mates do's weddings/birthdays etc but I have no friends of my own (my choice) so prefer if those around me don't know

 

[rudders]

Thank you, I wasn't prying I was just curious as I have told everyone, it didn't enter my head to not disclose it.
I'm not sure how I could hide how my life is now x
Thanks again x

 

[sarahrob]

Beegee that is outrageous, I would be livid. Like you, I booked holidays and chose not to tell people. It is entirely your choice who you tell and when, and your boss has effectively taken that choice out of your hands.
I would certainly express my anger and disappointment to your boss, but now the cat is out of the bag... as Banderbird says, hold your head high and ignore the gossips. This is something positive you are doing for your health, and that's far more important than anyone else's opinion. x

 

[borogirl]

Hi. I would focus on the forthcoming surgery and forget about it. I was like a rudders and told everyone and not sure how I could have explained the fact I can't eat much.
You don't know these work colleagues so no real harm done. If you have had a good previous relationship with your boss then you will know whether her intent was malicious or not.
You have bigger and fantastic things about to happen, your surgery! So go in with a positive frame of mind x

 

[H12]

This is dreadful, l told my boss and she did respect my wishes and told know one. The only other people who knew were my family.This has got to be so wrong on all levels.l feel for you.

 

[Beegee]

Thanks everyone... She has just sent me an email to apologise, and said she didn't think as she didn't see it as a big deal. There was no malicious intent just bad error on her part.

I think I am becoming overly emotional at the moment as the surgery date is getting closer...exited and anxious at the same time. No point crying over spilt milk and all that. Onwards and upwards...xx

 

[lyzzyanne]

Perhaps you should ask her how she would feel if you told all her colleagues that she was suffering from HIV or Gonorrhea ?? It is a very private matter and totally down to you as to who you choose to tell. She has made a very serious error .

I think now the cat is out of the bag, you must try and make the best of it, you are taking a huge step and it will be for the better, I have found that most people are actuallu clueless about surgery and those of my friends who know always assume I have had the band as they can't believe that ANYONE would have a bypass heavens knows why!! But I just let them wallow in their ignorance!!!
Concentrate on getting to your goal.

 

[tealovingsleever]

I bet she's skinny. Skinny people have no idea what ridicule we go through. I would be furious and raising a grievance. It's an incredibly personal and embarrassing thing your weight. Why on earth should it be shared with anyone if you don't want it to be!

Only 1 of my colleagues knew, no-one else worked it out. I don't eat with them so it's not hard to hide it.

 

[Lilacglittergirl]

I only told about four people, whilst I was considering my position. and explained that I didn't want them to tell anyone. One of them decided that it would somehow be OK to tell people if she told them I was having a different WL procedure to the one I was actually having. I had a bypass but she told people I was having a band ... So not only I face them knowing, but had to explain that I was not having a removal band - i was having major surgery, to have the majority of my stomach detached and my system re plumbed. They then wanted to know, once I'd put them in the picture, why I was going to such lengths and not having the band, etc, etc. etc. all v frustrating indeed x

 

[Jaywill]

I would be fuming if that was me....all the best with your op hun...x

 

[emma-louise]

I would be so annoyed...

However when I knew I was having my bypass done I told my mum/sister and my oldest friend.
I just didn't want to tell people what I was having done,as WLS is ridiculed by perfect slim people.
And it's my business why should I have to explain myself...
But as time went on...I was the talking point for all the school mums(lots of whispering and nudging).
Even had strangers stop me in the street telling me they thought I looked fantastic and how on earth have I lost all my weight.
I had to tell them exercise and protein diet,I've cut out all the crap(which was...true)
After a while I thought I should have just said "I've had a bypass"
But when I was big and very overweight I had little confidence..and wouldn't have coped with people thinking I'm just too lazy to lose the weight naturally.
Now is completely different I have the confidence....
But I would feel a little but dishonest if I told the real reason for my big weightloss was down to a bypass.