Thanks girls I should wait BUT in my heart. I know it's over-which hurts like hell . He is such a stubborn person he won't change his mind even if his heart changes. I think waiting till March is just prolonging the agony.
Knowing he dosent love hurts so much. I feel unlovable because of my mh me/CFS.
I am speaking to him tomorrow night BUT I can't see it changing.
I am feel so guilty mum and dad used there money or my grandparents money and if he walks away. My parents paid for our wedding my parents paid for a new kitchen. Plus 5 or 6 hols in the UK.
I feel like I've failed my son. I love him so much.
Esa and pip are taking forever to sort out my income so I am survibe paying all the bills myself.
Friends have been few and fair between not only have I lost my husband I realised how true friends I have.
All I am doing to get better was for him and my son. My voices are so bad...I saw blood instead of water running out of the hot tap. I see blood written on the wal with die b**** die.
There's a therapy outreach group on a mon in city centre 10 till 12 BUT I can't go as have therapy 10.30 till 12.30. Tues I always see a friend. Weds I am doing a childcare course Thurs is free fri I go to slimming world and sat is free and sun I session my son.
I have him 4 days from 3.20 till 5.45 pm then sun.
With the me^CFS I need the 2 free days to recharge. Once I have finished childcare course I would like to volunteer at a school/nursery as would like a job in one.
I have cried all afternoon. Just cuddles my son BUT I feel so alone. I just wonder if anyone understands mental health.
There's a therapy outreach group on a mon in city centre 10 till 12 BUT I can't go as have therapy 10.30 till 12.30. Tues I always see a friend. Weds I am doing a childcare course Thurs is free fri I go to slimming world and sat is free and sun I session my son.
I have him 4 days from 3.20 till 5.45 pm then sun.
With the me^CFS I need the 2 free days to recharge. Once I have finished childcare course I would like to volunteer at a school/nursery as would like a job in one.
I have cried all afternoon. Just cuddles my son BUT I feel so alone. I just wonder if anyone understands mental health.
That is great you are doing a course Lottie and you have things happening on other days and a goal for the future of a child care post I too have had CFS so get the need for the breaks. I hope the therapy starts to make a difference. You are grieving a loss of a relationship which can be like grieving someone who has died but worse, as with a death you do accept eventually that they won't come back. It is understandable that you are crying, but sometimes the tears can be healing, and sometimes we just have to sit with the process. Keep talking to us. Here is a big virtual hug Feel the squeeze. xx
The biggest problem with a mental health issue is that it's an invisible problem. If you break a bone it's visible and people are sympathetic but when it's not a visible problem people struggle to understand.
I wish I was able to offer more support Lottie, I have struggled with mental health issues most of my life and would not wish it on my worst enemy.
Please keep coming on here and there are people who can support you the best they can.
Keep strong dear girl and continue to work hard to regain your health. You have a lovely boy who will want you in his life for as long as possible.
Your parents and friends love you and will want you in their lives too.
Take whatever help you can and continue to go forward, your a strong woman and have managed to endure more than most people have to cope with.
Put yourself before your ex because you have great worth. Xx
Thank you its level 1 ( I still have no understanding of levels really other than level 3 is equivalent to 3 a levels) I have done a BTEC in children studies which is level 3 but honestly I feel like I know nothing.
There's a mother and baby unit opening here in x years time I would love to do nursery nursing there. I have psychiatric nursing assistant ( 18 months ecsperinence) and the child care but no mh qualifications I would also be intreated in nutation. But course are in London and no WAY am i ready for that. But they are 1 day a week over 3 years for diploma.
Hi Lottie it’s really good that you are focusing on your long time plans, I do agree with what others have said about your ex, I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but it more tough love, if he really loved you he wouldn’t be doing this to you, he is aware of you mh and it is so very wrong of him to keep you waiting just hanging on for a decision. Your true friends and family along with all you cyber friends on here will give you all the support you need. Your parents would never hold it against you that they paid for the wedding etc they love you for who you are as do your friends and more importantly your son. All your hard work on improving your mh since March is worth it for your son, he is the most important person in your life and rest assured he loves you as you are and always will. Please concentrate on turning any negative thoughts into positive eg your mh improvement is going to stabilise your relationship with your son, your weigh loss is going to improve your physical well being so you will be able to be more active with your son, your wellbeing and your son are the only two things that are important right now. Separating from a partner is always difficult and it’s very easy for it to consume every minute of your day but Try to concentrate on your beautiful son that you have from the relationship.
Sending you big hugs Hun. Xxx
THANK you girls I am still v bumpy-I had therapy today and found it very hard. I have stopped taking my son back and seeing ex husband its just to hard. I want to make HAPPY memories with my son.
Eating hasnt been to bad today so far but its night time i struggle.
They say with therapy self acre is important so had a relaxing bath.
THANK you girls I am still v bumpy-I had therapy today and found it very hard. I have stopped taking my son back and seeing ex husband its just to hard. I want to make HAPPY memories with my son.
Eating hasnt been to bad today so far but its night time i struggle.
They say with therapy self acre is important so had a relaxing bath.
You are doing great. Self care is key as you learn to love yourself. Sounds like you made an important step forward with regards to not taking your son back.
Well my ME has floored me today-I've been doing to much-last 3 days 8000-9000 steps which is A LOT for me. Today I fainted outside the school in car park. A sign my ME has given me before I am over doing it. Wacked my ankle as I went down and cut my hand grazed my knees too. Have ice on ankle and taken ibtufonon for the swelling ; ( xxxx
Still 318 had weather spoons veggie chilli out with my parents today. So made a healthy choice they had ham egg and chips I stole 5 chips bit that's gotta be better than a potion myself.
My ankles still swollen and bruised but walked 3500 steps.
Been to therapy. Trting to sort out split tax credits is a nightmare
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I too have had CFS so get the need for the breaks. I hope the therapy starts to make a difference. You are grieving a loss of a relationship which can be like grieving someone who has died but worse, as with a death you do accept eventually that they won't come back. It is understandable that you are crying, but sometimes the tears can be healing, and sometimes we just have to sit with the process. Keep talking to us. Here is a big virtual hug 
Feel the squeeze. xx
