Why don't Long Termer's stay around ?

[emma-louise]

I've always wondered this and it baffles me...

The site is full of newbies but it's rare to find a person that's long term?..why is this ?
I might be coming up to 4 years,but I still feel like I benefit from coming on here and reading the peoples post.
And helping where I can,and in some ways I feel like I owe the site my long term experience due to all the help I had gotten when I was a newbie.
It's such a shame people don't stay around as I'd love to hear from long termers to see how life has played out for them.
At times it feels like unless your a pre op or newly post op,people aren't really interested in what you have to say.
So maybe that's why people don't stay around? Or perhaps they have started to gain weight ?
I for one would just wish people would stay around after the "honeymoon" period..

 

[Yvessa]

I wonder if maybe they get fed up of seeing the same old threads and as their friends have slipped away feel there's no one to relate to? I feel a lot that my support is unwanted and that there are only a handful of people to support me.

 

[shell-]

I'm not sure why long termers don't say around (if more stayed, then there'd be more support for their needs!), but from a newbie's perspective, your experience is not just helpful but seeing your results and hearing your journeys is at a minimum inspirational. I'm grateful for the long termers who have stuck around to share their experiences with us all.

 

[HelenAngelfish]

As a newbie, I feel that long termers support and advise is priceless!!

Yve, frankie and scooters diaries are amazing!

Please don't ever feel a long termers advise isn't wanted or needed!! Or feel newbies don't want to support you!!

This is a life long journey and every stage brings new questions and fears xxx

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery

 

[Lincs Lass]

Quite often in posts 'we' talk about this whole thing as being a journey so much of what we write about is 'the journey' as it is what our life very much revolves about - plus there is all the fears of the unknown.

On arriving at the destination there is still a period of uncertainty and feeling your way around and being 100% certain of what you are doing (a bit like arriving in a bustling city where everybody else talks a language just different enough from yours for you to not fully understand) so you still need a friendly guidebook.

But once you do get the hang of the place and understand it all more then you move off and explore further - so after weight loss surgery terms you spend time going out and doing stuff you haven't before or having that much more confidence that you throw yourselves in to things more. So for many people (me included), what was previously 'free time' you could devote to visiting this site (and others) is now packed with other stuff.

On a personal level, I'm lucky if I get more than 5 mins to visit the forum each day now with so much going on so I can only really have a look at the titles of new posts since I was on the forum and then pick and choose the ones to have a look at properly (can hover over it and the first couple of lines show). BUT more often than not if there is a 'I've had my op recently and I'm not losing weight' or 'I've cheated on my pre-op diet' thread I tend to not bother looking any further and leave it at that for the day. The first one because, as Yves said, 'same old threads' repeated a few times a week. The second time because - well, I've aired my views on that in the past (and it's not the 'pat on the head, don't worry about it' view) and have been bawled out for it so won't comment on things like that! :-D

So my reduction in activity is probably 90% less free time and 10% 'here we go again/read through the forum'.

 

[chrisa]

Hi Emma, lovely to hear from you I don't get on as much anymore but it is important. I am not doing fabulous at the moment. I have plateaud right out and have put some weight back on. I am still over 8 stone down, but am worried about it going up further always try to have the healthy option but its work and bloomin snacking when its lone working on an evening. I don't come on a lot of threads mainly one or 2 or anyone who is asking for bit of help or advice. I always enjoy chatting to you. You have a lot of experience and that can only be gained really 1st hand it is not found in a book. It is always nice to hear from others. I have found a lot of people who I used to chat to on here are on the unmentionable one. A lot of newbies do not want to know that I have put some weight on so have only really spoken about it to mostly the people who have replied to you. xx

 

[Georgie163]

I think it's so important to get a varied representation of how it works. Sometimes the surgery we choose has complications, sometimes we have to have revisions, some people have regrets, some people put weight on etc.. I want to know about all these things because it could be me in months weeks or years, who can say but I think it would be rather short sighted to always think it definitely won't happen so far better to know everything and hear from everyone.

I would hate to think that any of you long termers thought your advice isn't well received or appreciated, I was pretty scared before my op, the option to back out would have been easy, but seeing your diaries and pictures made me think I could do it.. an d right now, at this point on the journey I am, but it's bloody hard going! Xx

 

[femfrankie]

I've always wondered this and it baffles me...

The site is full of newbies but it's rare to find a person that's long term?..why is this ?
I might be coming up to 4 years,but I still feel like I benefit from coming on here and reading the peoples post.
And helping where I can,and in some ways I feel like I owe the site my long term experience due to all the help I had gotten when I was a newbie.
It's such a shame people don't stay around as I'd love to hear from long termers to see how life has played out for them.
At times it feels like unless your a pre op or newly post op,people aren't really interested in what you have to say.
So maybe that's why people don't stay around? Or perhaps they have started to gain weight ?
I for one would just wish people would stay around after the "honeymoon" period..

Emma your post is so well timed as I have had these thoughts in my head for a few days myself. It's really quiet at the moment but the weather is good, people are either out enjoying it or are on holiday so I suppose that is to be expected. However yes there is a lack of long termers and I miss them and their valuable input to be truthful. At barely a year out I still do not class myself a long termer.

I wonder if maybe they get fed up of seeing the same old threads and as their friends have slipped away feel there's no one to relate to? I feel a lot that my support is unwanted and that there are only a handful of people to support me.

I know where you are coming from on this Yve it's like there is a "who do you think you are to tell me this?" attitude from some newbies when you offer up a suggestion. As a result I hold back from doing so now as I feel there is a lack of long termers out there to back you up or even argue the point with you now.

I'm not sure why long termers don't say around (if more stayed, then there'd be more support for their needs!), but from a newbie's perspective, your experience is not just helpful but seeing your results and hearing your journeys is at a minimum inspirational. I'm grateful for the long termers who have stuck around to share their experiences with us all.

Exactly shell ..I am not a long termer by any means but I really do miss those that were around when I was a newbie especially their input & wisdom.

As a newbie, I feel that long termers support and advise is priceless!!

Yve, frankie and scooters diaries are amazing!

Please don't ever feel a long termers advise isn't wanted or needed!! Or feel newbies don't want to support you!!

This is a life long journey and every stage brings new questions and fears xxx

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery

Thanks Helen although I'm nowhere near a long termer yet but I can't agree more that this is a life long journey that is one huge learning curve... It's not all about our achievement or under achievements for that matter. There is how it affects relationships, long term health issues, acceptance of the new you, failure..the list goes on. This is where long termers like Emma and countless others who have come and gone are a real godsend.

.........
But once you do get the hang of the place and understand it all more then you move off and explore further - so after weight loss surgery terms you spend time going out and doing stuff you haven't before or having that much more confidence that you throw yourselves in to things more. So for many people (me included), what was previously 'free time' you could devote to visiting this site (and others) is now packed with other stuff........

....BUT more often than not if there is a 'I've had my op recently and I'm not losing weight' or 'I've cheated on my pre-op diet' thread I tend to not bother looking any further and leave it at that for the day. The first one because, as Yves said, 'same old threads' repeated a few times a week. The second time because - well, I've aired my views on that in the past (and it's not the 'pat on the head, don't worry about it' view) and have been bawled out for it so won't comment on things like that! :-D

So my reduction in activity is probably 90% less free time and 10% 'here we go again/read through the forum'.

So true Sue ...
1/ I find I'm so much busier now and not stuck in front of the ipad or computer so much these days
2/ I too sometimes skip over the titles and pick the ones I want to read ..my subscription is huge and I had to recently trim it down a bit.
3/as I commented to Yves reply sometimes I feel that some suggestions & opinions are just not wanted which I find a bit puzzling. Why post if you don't want input?

 

[fjsinc]

I've largely stuck around, I do visit everyday. But I just don't contribute in the way I used to. I feel quite bad about that, as there are people here who I've known for a long time now, and new members who would benefit from my experiences. But you do see the same topics over and over again, and it's hard to continue to respond.

Life moves on from the obsession of the initial weight loss. And living as a post op becomes normal and natural, rather than something to be figured out and managed.

For me, my pregnancy is pretty much the only thing I discuss here now. And I keep that up both for me, and for others who I know are hoping to improve their fertily through wls. I'm not loosing weight, so can't really talk about that anymore. I'm happy with where I am, even though I've yet to reach target.

I often feel that newer people who do not know me (as opposed to the long termers), aren't particularly interested in what I have to say. I have wondered if its because my weight loss hasn't had the "wow" factor.

 

[Madcatwoman]

I'm not sure if I'm considered a long termer at 14 months post op.
However I come on here most days and look at a lot of posts, especially from people like Yvessa, Frankie, Bally etc because I still feel I can learn things.
I don't post as often as I could, but as others have said, if you offer advice, it often seems unwanted, or you end up repeating yourself.
I will continue to visit this forum, as I feel I need to keep reminding myself where I've come from, and where I still need to aim for, having been stuck for a while now. I think if we 'forget' we are in danger of gaining weight and ending up back where we started. I try to remain thankful for this opportunity the op has given me to change for the better and not waste it.

 

[Llora]

It is so sad to read that people feel that their advice and experience is not nessesary or unwanted. I as a newbie who didnt even have a surgery yet wanted to say thank you to all of you for finding time in your life to share your experience, pictures and words of wisdom. The main reason why i came to this forum was to 'meet' people like you who had surgeries a few years ago or longer.. I want to learn from you and your experiences. I would love to incourage you all to stay around because i am sure i am not the only one thankful. And if you stay maybe that will help other longtermers stay too?

Thank you once again!

 

[emma-louise]

Hello everyone...glad I posted this question now..
I don't feel there is hardly anyone to I can relate too,the more further I'm post op my concerns are different from those who are newly post op or pre op looking for advice,and that's natural.
My focus now is long term health and the bloody daily grind of maintaining.
I miss the honeymoon period,and all the excitement.
I've had problems since the bypass and it's not all "rose tinted glasses"...at times I miss my bread and social occasions can be difficult.
I wouldn't change having my bypass for anyone and as Chrisa says we have to live our life.
It's true sometimes the posts are the same thing,that's why I wish more long term peeps would stay around,so there's different perspective on things concerning life after a bypass.
And I might add if it wasn't for my bypass I wouldn't be wearing my nice cooler dress I've got on today..lol

 

[WeightlossDreamer]

i really love reading through everyones diaries! when i first joined reading through what other people had been through was invaluable! it helped me form my decision to definately go ahead with surgery! I think people somehow just move on from reading the same peoples posts and when those people dont update for a bit you move on to the next diary. Plus if anyones like me i see a diary that has over a 100 pages to it n i think jeepers am i gonna read all that??? i would love for people to read through mine start to finish but i dont think people would. And i think as someone mentioned when you get further down the line for a lot of people the weightloss isnt the driving force it once was. Somehow life gets in the way or we get busy etc!

I know for me im only half way through my journey and im now taking a slight detour on my path due to my pregnancy but i will never stop posting. Even though there are not many of us posting about our pregnancies i still find this site invaluable. Without it i believe my weight would have ballooned by now and it helps just to have somewhere you can go where you can write down your experiences x x

 

[femfrankie]

I think that is the nature of these kind of forums to be honest. People who are in the throes of going through the process are hungry for info and advice then once they attain their target it is of no further use. I am like you Emma in that this forum and it's members got me through this & I feel I need to give something back. However being only 11 months out I don't foresee a time where I won't need it's support network at some point or other further down the line so I continue to read and answer relevant posts

WLD I'm still amazed at people who will still "like" a comment made in my diary that was perhaps made somewhere at the start of my journey over a year ago. So some do make an effort to read them .

 

[Butterfly_lady]

Good thread

I loved to read through all the posts when I was first starting out and tried to use the search button as much as possible so that I could find the answer if the question had already been asked.

I am no where near being a "long termer" as I'm not quite 7 months out but even I have had to stop posting on the "My op is next week but I've just drunk 24 pints of lager and eaten a family bucket of chicken and 2 gallons of ice cream" threads as I found it increasingly impossible not to say how idiotic they are!!

I hope when I am 2 or 3 or more years out I will still be around if anyone needs my advice as I absolutely love reading the diarys of folks like Yve, Frankie, Lincs, and Kat to name but a few they have done jaw droppingly well, plus I love catching up with "my" November family Ceecie, Nicola, flick and the gang we have all done so well even though poor Nicola had a few dodgy times

 

[emma-louise]

Good thread I loved to read through all the posts when I was first starting out and tried to use the search button as much as possible so that I could find the answer if the question had already been asked. I am no where near being a "long termer" as I'm not quite 7 months out but even I have had to stop posting on the "My op is next week but I've just drunk 24 pints of lager and eaten a family bucket of chicken and 2 gallons of ice cream" threads as I found it increasingly impossible not to say how idiotic they are!! I hope when I am 2 or 3 or more years out I will still be around if anyone needs my advice as I absolutely love reading the diarys of folks like Yve, Frankie, Lincs, and Kat to name but a few they have done jaw droppingly well, plus I love catching up with "my" November family Ceecie, Nicola, flick and the gang we have all done so well even though poor Nicola had a few dodgy times

That's the sad part for me...I don't think anyone is still about who had their op done in 2010...
Unless they are lurking..if you are please post!
It would be so lovely to hear how your getting on x

 

[Butterfly_lady]

That's the sad part for me...I don't think anyone is still about who had their op done in 2010...
Unless they are lurking..if you are please post!
It would be so lovely to hear how your getting on x

I can understand that as there is only 3 of us from the November '13 gang that still post regularly, I just hope the others are doing well

 

[Yvessa]

I've largely stuck around, I do visit everyday. But I just don't contribute in the way I used to. I feel quite bad about that, as there are people here who I've known for a long time now, and new members who would benefit from my experiences. But you do see the same topics over and over again, and it's hard to continue to respond.

Life moves on from the obsession of the initial weight loss. And living as a post op becomes normal and natural, rather than something to be figured out and managed.

For me, my pregnancy is pretty much the only thing I discuss here now. And I keep that up both for me, and for others who I know are hoping to improve their fertily through wls. I'm not loosing weight, so can't really talk about that anymore. I'm happy with where I am, even though I've yet to reach target.

I often feel that newer people who do not know me (as opposed to the long termers), aren't particularly interested in what I have to say. I have wondered if its because my weight loss hasn't had the "wow" factor.

I do feel the same. And in some ways, I feel like I don't have a place to air my struggles, because everyone sees my loss and people say things like 'I'm an inspiration'. But I still need bloody inspiration too!

Hello everyone...glad I posted this question now..
I don't feel there is hardly anyone to I can relate too,the more further I'm post op my concerns are different from those who are newly post op or pre op looking for advice,and that's natural.
My focus now is long term health and the bloody daily grind of maintaining.
I miss the honeymoon period,and all the excitement.
I've had problems since the bypass and it's not all "rose tinted glasses"...at times I miss my bread and social occasions can be difficult.
I wouldn't change having my bypass for anyone and as Chrisa says we have to live our life.
It's true sometimes the posts are the same thing,that's why I wish more long term peeps would stay around,so there's different perspective on things concerning life after a bypass.
And I might add if it wasn't for my bypass I wouldn't be wearing my nice cooler dress I've got on today..lol

In some ways I think the honeymoon period is like anything else, we see it with rose coloured glasses. I miss the weightloss, but I like the fact that I know my body so much better now.

That's the sad part for me...I don't think anyone is still about who had their op done in 2010...
Unless they are lurking..if you are please post!
It would be so lovely to hear how your getting on x

I know what you mean So many who had their ops at the same time as me are in a different headspace and gone. It feels lonely in some ways as I don't have anyone who can walk the next few steps with me.

 

[emma-louise]

Nov 13...you'd think they might have been still around..
I don't know sometimes I think not being involved in some kind of support group isn't good for your well being long term.
As much as the family are 100% with me,they can't possibly understand the daily little things I've had to change and get used too.
Even doctors are a bit clueless at times,and when I've had to speak to them it's like I'm speaking foreign.
I've had stomach problems on/off and the last visit I was told...it's part and parcel of this bypass.
There's loads of things I'd love to talk about on this forum,but I fear only long termers could understand or have any experience of.
And I wouldn't want to dampen the newbies!...with my serious talk,as almost everyone on here is still in the " honeymoon " period,and everything is all exciting and rosey until....
The deficiencies start..and a few other things..
and I' probely sound like an old miserable fart!
This is why I wished people would stay around a bit longer,as they could probely relate.
I still find the majority of posts on here are still food obsessed,and I had my bypass to try and be "normal" and not have my life controlled by food..
I think I'm having a bad day!...lol

 

[emma-louise]

I do feel the same. And in some ways, I feel like I don't have a place to air my struggles, because everyone sees my loss and people say things like 'I'm an inspiration'. But I still need bloody inspiration too! In some ways I think the honeymoon period is like anything else, we see it with rose coloured glasses. I miss the weightloss, but I like the fact that I know my body so much better now. I know what you mean So many who had their ops at the same time as me are in a different headspace and gone. It feels lonely in some ways as I don't have anyone who can walk the next few steps with me.

Yvessa you have just took the words out of my mouth...lonely
That's how I feel today..
It's like walking into the unknown at times..
Sometimes it feels like I've got rid of one problem and placed with a whole set of fresh ones