A Chance to Start Again

[Maria61]

Since I hadn't heard anything from L&D about my next appointment I started getting a bit antsy and worried that I'd somehow slipped through the cracks. So, I gave them a ring on Wednesday and was assured that I hadn't been forgotten and that there was a letter waiting for me but it wasn't quite ready to go. I can only assume that will be my MDT meeting. Hopefully. The lady I spoke to was one of the admin team and she was really sweet.

I've been slipping a lot over the last few weeks and thankfully I'd been mostly maintaining, but it's finally caught up with me. I've now regained about 5lbs, so I've got to buckle under. I'm now wearing my Fitbit again and doing my best to try and get some exercise in. Since I'm at work on my own most of the time, I put on one of Leslie Sansone's Walk at Home videos and march away. If you've not heard of her, look her up on YouTube. She has all sorts of vids on there and has DVDs as well. I like to use the 5 minute walk while I'm at work and play it through twice to not only get in about 1000 steps, but it takes me up to about 12-13 minutes of active minutes. There's also a 15 minute/2 mile walk that is really good too. I might eventually break out the DDP Yoga videos I have as well, but the positions on your knees really are painful at this stage not because I've got bad knees, but because putting my weight on them just ends up bruising them!

I've also decided that I need to get my home in order. Now, don't get me wrong, we're nowhere near to being on an episode of Hoarders but with the depression creeping up on me for the last few months and really grabbing hold of me since June, taking care of my house fell off my list of stuff to do. Like I said, we're not Hoarders worthy, but the place is cluttered and dusty and it's not how I like my house to be. I don't want a showplace either, but, yeah, tidy is good. So, I've signed up for Fly Lady. If you've never heard of Fly Lady and you're a SHE (Sidetracked Home Executive), check her out. She posits that for a lot of us, we get so mired down with our own perfectionism that we end up overwhelmed and paralyzed by it. We have grand plans and ideas and are usually a very creative lot, but because we can only seem to see the big picture, we can't break things down into small manageable steps to accomplish the things we want. I used to use the Fly Lady methods when my boys were really tiny and it did make a big difference to me but over time I strayed and lost the way, so now I'm returning. I've shined my kitchen sink (seriously, this is the first baby step!) and just from that, it's making me want to do more. So, this morning I think I will give my kitchen a good clean.

My antidepressants have well and truly kicked in now and I am so very thankful for them. When I look back over the two months before I started them, it actually does scare me. I had a few days where I really got to the point where I honestly didn't think I'd see the next day. One of the things I've noticed about the antidepressants, however, is that it is making it easier to speak up and speak my mind instead of just sitting there and taking some of the crap people try and put on me. I stood up to two of our clergy in a staff meeting when they started pulling some of their BS and I felt bloody proud of myself for it. I wasn't hateful, I was incredibly diplomatic really, but I didn't just put up with it.

So, although the weight is creeping up, things are feeling much more positive.

Hope everyone else is doing well!

Great to hear from you again Okie girl. Hope you hear from Luton soon xxx

 

[Bling Babe]

Since I hadn't heard anything from L&D about my next appointment I started getting a bit antsy and worried that I'd somehow slipped through the cracks. So, I gave them a ring on Wednesday and was assured that I hadn't been forgotten and that there was a letter waiting for me but it wasn't quite ready to go. I can only assume that will be my MDT meeting. Hopefully. The lady I spoke to was one of the admin team and she was really sweet.

I've been slipping a lot over the last few weeks and thankfully I'd been mostly maintaining, but it's finally caught up with me. I've now regained about 5lbs, so I've got to buckle under. I'm now wearing my Fitbit again and doing my best to try and get some exercise in. Since I'm at work on my own most of the time, I put on one of Leslie Sansone's Walk at Home videos and march away. If you've not heard of her, look her up on YouTube. She has all sorts of vids on there and has DVDs as well. I like to use the 5 minute walk while I'm at work and play it through twice to not only get in about 1000 steps, but it takes me up to about 12-13 minutes of active minutes. There's also a 15 minute/2 mile walk that is really good too. I might eventually break out the DDP Yoga videos I have as well, but the positions on your knees really are painful at this stage not because I've got bad knees, but because putting my weight on them just ends up bruising them!

I've also decided that I need to get my home in order. Now, don't get me wrong, we're nowhere near to being on an episode of Hoarders but with the depression creeping up on me for the last few months and really grabbing hold of me since June, taking care of my house fell off my list of stuff to do. Like I said, we're not Hoarders worthy, but the place is cluttered and dusty and it's not how I like my house to be. I don't want a showplace either, but, yeah, tidy is good. So, I've signed up for Fly Lady. If you've never heard of Fly Lady and you're a SHE (Sidetracked Home Executive), check her out. She posits that for a lot of us, we get so mired down with our own perfectionism that we end up overwhelmed and paralyzed by it. We have grand plans and ideas and are usually a very creative lot, but because we can only seem to see the big picture, we can't break things down into small manageable steps to accomplish the things we want. I used to use the Fly Lady methods when my boys were really tiny and it did make a big difference to me but over time I strayed and lost the way, so now I'm returning. I've shined my kitchen sink (seriously, this is the first baby step!) and just from that, it's making me want to do more. So, this morning I think I will give my kitchen a good clean.

My antidepressants have well and truly kicked in now and I am so very thankful for them. When I look back over the two months before I started them, it actually does scare me. I had a few days where I really got to the point where I honestly didn't think I'd see the next day. One of the things I've noticed about the antidepressants, however, is that it is making it easier to speak up and speak my mind instead of just sitting there and taking some of the crap people try and put on me. I stood up to two of our clergy in a staff meeting when they started pulling some of their BS and I felt bloody proud of myself for it. I wasn't hateful, I was incredibly diplomatic really, but I didn't just put up with it.

So, although the weight is creeping up, things are feeling much more positive.

Hope everyone else is doing well!

You’ve made my day Okie, I am so so pleased that your feeling some much brighter, it’s so good to hear from you, it awful to get that low, very sad, and always seem to put off seeking help. I hope you get your letter soon and I’m sure you’ll soon get the 5lb off, I say well done for standing up for yourself....you go girl, I’m proud of you too,I’ve never heard of either of the people you mentioned but they sound interesting so I’ll look them up. Xxx

 

[_Victoria_]

Lovely to hear from you! I'm so glad you're feeling better. You'll get those 5lbs off in no time

 

[Jackiesfatplan]

Chin up they say the waiting is the hardest time i gained on and off since my last appointment in feb early next year im hoping for my opp from things ive read on here if u have had a gain but still trying ur best they give u bit longer on lrd which drops the excess b4 the opp so dont drive urself up wall worring about a gain it will be ok im in same boat hun id say we can sail it together but it would sink we could tie them together ( maybe ur new tablets for depression have something to do with ur weight gain it could be water weight some ad can make u gain slightly when u first take them im sure it will go with a bit of work good luck

 

[OkieGirl]

Work People would come round (if I let them in) & be shocked at how messing & unorganised it was. Because at work it’s a completely different story.

This! I have a lot of hidden clutter in drawers and cupboards and am notorious for making 'neat' piles of stuff. I had a friend visit last week and she came in, paused and then said, "It looks so good in here! What have you been doing? It just feels so different!" All I had done was manage to clear some of my piles of stuff and clutter hot spots and give the house a quick clean. That was it. But sorting out my depression has allowed me to start sorting out other areas of my life. I feel calmer and my family have noticed that I'm not so fatalistic and tetchy over the small things. I just feel so proud of myself, in all truth.

I also got the appointment for my MDT today so on November 29th I'll be heading to Luton for that. Progress! Finally!

I've also had a bit of exciting news. Last week I got a call from a vicar of a local church who asked if I was available at the start of November to go over to his church, which I said yes. He said great... we'd like you and some other potential candidates for ordination to come and meet the Archbishop of Canterbury! I was utterly in shock and even now am still wondering if I just imagined it all!

Weight-wise, still have that 5 lbs to lose, but at least it's not more than that. I'll get going on it and get it sorted by the time I go back in.

So, overall, things are good. I'm feeling WAY better and positive!

 

[Emma1504]

I am so pleased for you. Decluttering is very freeing wish I had done it years ago

 

[Maria61]

This! I have a lot of hidden clutter in drawers and cupboards and am notorious for making 'neat' piles of stuff. I had a friend visit last week and she came in, paused and then said, "It looks so good in here! What have you been doing? It just feels so different!" All I had done was manage to clear some of my piles of stuff and clutter hot spots and give the house a quick clean. That was it. But sorting out my depression has allowed me to start sorting out other areas of my life. I feel calmer and my family have noticed that I'm not so fatalistic and tetchy over the small things. I just feel so proud of myself, in all truth.

I also got the appointment for my MDT today so on November 29th I'll be heading to Luton for that. Progress! Finally!

I've also had a bit of exciting news. Last week I got a call from a vicar of a local church who asked if I was available at the start of November to go over to his church, which I said yes. He said great... we'd like you and some other potential candidates for ordination to come and meet the Archbishop of Canterbury! I was utterly in shock and even now am still wondering if I just imagined it all!

Weight-wise, still have that 5 lbs to lose, but at least it's not more than that. I'll get going on it and get it sorted by the time I go back in.

So, overall, things are good. I'm feeling WAY better and positive!

Well done dear lady, so lovely to feel all the positivity coming from you. Good luck at MDT xx

 

[OkieGirl]

I am so pleased for you. Decluttering is very freeing wish I had done it years ago

I know, right? I did some of my kitchen cupboards and pulled out about 8 full carrier bags full of out of date/stale/nearly empty jars/tins/packets. Thing is, I can't let my husband see me do it because he then starts getting twitchy about what's going out. It's like... dude... we haven't used this is about 5 years, it can gooooo!

Well done dear lady, so lovely to feel all the positivity coming from you. Good luck at MDT xx

Thank you Maria! I still am amazed at the difference in my mood. Even my hairdresser was amazed when I saw her yesterday.

 

[Sarnie]

This! I have a lot of hidden clutter in drawers and cupboards and am notorious for making 'neat' piles of stuff. I had a friend visit last week and she came in, paused and then said, "It looks so good in here! What have you been doing? It just feels so different!" All I had done was manage to clear some of my piles of stuff and clutter hot spots and give the house a quick clean. That was it. But sorting out my depression has allowed me to start sorting out other areas of my life. I feel calmer and my family have noticed that I'm not so fatalistic and tetchy over the small things. I just feel so proud of myself, in all truth.

I also got the appointment for my MDT today so on November 29th I'll be heading to Luton for that. Progress! Finally!

I've also had a bit of exciting news. Last week I got a call from a vicar of a local church who asked if I was available at the start of November to go over to his church, which I said yes. He said great... we'd like you and some other potential candidates for ordination to come and meet the Archbishop of Canterbury! I was utterly in shock and even now am still wondering if I just imagined it all!

Weight-wise, still have that 5 lbs to lose, but at least it's not more than that. I'll get going on it and get it sorted by the time I go back in.

So, overall, things are good. I'm feeling WAY better and positive!

This is a lovely positive post, good to hear things are coming together for you xx

 

[Parsnip]

Just read through your post. Sounds like you're in a good place ATM and things are progressing well. I look forward to following your progress x

 

[OkieGirl]

Just read through your post. Sounds like you're in a good place ATM and things are progressing well. I look forward to following your progress x

Thanks Parsnip! How are things going for you? How's your dad?

 

[Parsnip]

Thanks Parsnip! How are things going for you? How's your dad?

I'm not too bad, mainly tired because Clementine has been wanting to see most hours of the night for the last couple of weeks... And she rarely does daytime naps so it's a joy lol. But seeing as she's not slept for more than 4 hours at a time since birth, it's not like I'm used to sleep I am also suffering with some back/coccyx issues which I really should go see the Drs about I doubt they can do much and the usual 'lose weight' response is kinda pointless as I am working on it... Just waiting on some appointments but things are progressing well enough x

My dad's ok, he's waiting for a date for his own surgery atm but is generally ok, well as ok as he can be. His main complaints currently are more to do with arthritus in his knees causing him pain rather then anything cancer related. Thanks for asking.

 

[Bling Babe]

This! I have a lot of hidden clutter in drawers and cupboards and am notorious for making 'neat' piles of stuff. I had a friend visit last week and she came in, paused and then said, "It looks so good in here! What have you been doing? It just feels so different!" All I had done was manage to clear some of my piles of stuff and clutter hot spots and give the house a quick clean. That was it. But sorting out my depression has allowed me to start sorting out other areas of my life. I feel calmer and my family have noticed that I'm not so fatalistic and tetchy over the small things. I just feel so proud of myself, in all truth.

I also got the appointment for my MDT today so on November 29th I'll be heading to Luton for that. Progress! Finally!

I've also had a bit of exciting news. Last week I got a call from a vicar of a local church who asked if I was available at the start of November to go over to his church, which I said yes. He said great... we'd like you and some other potential candidates for ordination to come and meet the Archbishop of Canterbury! I was utterly in shock and even now am still wondering if I just imagined it all!

Weight-wise, still have that 5 lbs to lose, but at least it's not more than that. I'll get going on it and get it sorted by the time I go back in.

So, overall, things are good. I'm feeling WAY better and positive!

Wow such a lovely read, I’m so pleased your feeling better and have been able to de-clutter I bet that has really helped you. FANTASTIC news on the MDT that’s a huge step forward on your journey and a great start to (dare I say) the Christmas season . And how totally fabulous to be invited to meet the Archbishop of Canterbury, I’m so pleased for you, how long now before the outcome on the Ordination?.?
It really is great to read how much better things are for you Okie, well done xxxxx

 

[OkieGirl]

I'm not too bad, mainly tired because Clementine has been wanting to see most hours of the night for the last couple of weeks... And she rarely does daytime naps so it's a joy lol. But seeing as she's not slept for more than 4 hours at a time since birth, it's not like I'm used to sleep I am also suffering with some back/coccyx issues which I really should go see the Drs about I doubt they can do much and the usual 'lose weight' response is kinda pointless as I am working on it... Just waiting on some appointments but things are progressing well enough x

My dad's ok, he's waiting for a date for his own surgery atm but is generally ok, well as ok as he can be. His main complaints currently are more to do with arthritus in his knees causing him pain rather then anything cancer related. Thanks for asking.

Glad to hear your dad's doing ok. Hopefully they can at least do something to alleviate the pain from the arthritis. My mom's knees were both shot to buggery and she had to have them replaced. It made such a difference to her and literally added 2" to her height!

Sorry to hear about your back. There's nothing worse than back pain! A few years ago I slipped a disc and ended up in the most excruciating pain from sciatica. The only thing that would touch it was co-codamol.

Sounds like Clementine is a busy girl! One of mine was a light sleeper and I altogether abandoned trying to get him to have a nap when he was about 18 months old. He only ended up causing trouble and keeping his brothers up. It was tough because he was such a nightmare for getting into stuff and was generally super demanding. Nap time was my chance to get a few moments of peace!

Wow such a lovely read, I’m so pleased your feeling better and have been able to de-clutter I bet that has really helped you. FANTASTIC news on the MDT that’s a huge step forward on your journey and a great start to (dare I say) the Christmas season . And how totally fabulous to be invited to meet the Archbishop of Canterbury, I’m so pleased for you, how long now before the outcome on the Ordination?.?
It really is great to read how much better things are for you Okie, well done xxxxx

I will be so glad to have this next hoop jumped through and on to the next. I guess at least now I know that my surgery will be next year though so I can start using some more of my holiday. We're trying to convince my mom to come over for Christmas, but we'll see how that goes.

I am so looking forward to meeting him! It was really strange because the other day when I saw him on the telly I thought, "I'd never have a chance at meeting him!" Well surprise, surprise, surprise!

I've still got a reaaaaally long row to hoe before ordination and I wouldn't be looking to push anything further forward until I've had my surgery and am healed up and settled with my new lifestyle. I should be seeing the Bishop of Thetford again in the new year and hopefully he'll give me the green light to go to the selection panel. If all of this happens before June of 2019 I would start training in September of 2019 but I suspect it will be that I start training in 2020, which is fine. I will do classroom based theological training for three years and then I will be ordained as a deacon and start my curacy (on the job vicar training). After two years I will be ordained as a priest/vicar but will still have one year of curacy left. After that, I'll get signed off by my training incumbent (training vicar) and then will be able to find my first permanent post. My vicar that left last year is now the Archdeacon of Lynn and he's already pestering me to come out his way and telling me that he could find me post. It's like... Ian... you're putting the cart before the horse! But it's nice that he's in my corner and has great confidence in my fledgling abilities.

 

[Emma1504]

Good luck in this amazing journey. I admire your commitment. Hold on to your dreams & they will come true! X

 

[Bling Babe]

Glad to hear your dad's doing ok. Hopefully they can at least do something to alleviate the pain from the arthritis. My mom's knees were both shot to buggery and she had to have them replaced. It made such a difference to her and literally added 2" to her height!

Sorry to hear about your back. There's nothing worse than back pain! A few years ago I slipped a disc and ended up in the most excruciating pain from sciatica. The only thing that would touch it was co-codamol.

Sounds like Clementine is a busy girl! One of mine was a light sleeper and I altogether abandoned trying to get him to have a nap when he was about 18 months old. He only ended up causing trouble and keeping his brothers up. It was tough because he was such a nightmare for getting into stuff and was generally super demanding. Nap time was my chance to get a few moments of peace!



I will be so glad to have this next hoop jumped through and on to the next. I guess at least now I know that my surgery will be next year though so I can start using some more of my holiday. We're trying to convince my mom to come over for Christmas, but we'll see how that goes.

I am so looking forward to meeting him! It was really strange because the other day when I saw him on the telly I thought, "I'd never have a chance at meeting him!" Well surprise, surprise, surprise!

I've still got a reaaaaally long row to hoe before ordination and I wouldn't be looking to push anything further forward until I've had my surgery and am healed up and settled with my new lifestyle. I should be seeing the Bishop of Thetford again in the new year and hopefully he'll give me the green light to go to the selection panel. If all of this happens before June of 2019 I would start training in September of 2019 but I suspect it will be that I start training in 2020, which is fine. I will do classroom based theological training for three years and then I will be ordained as a deacon and start my curacy (on the job vicar training). After two years I will be ordained as a priest/vicar but will still have one year of curacy left. After that, I'll get signed off by my training incumbent (training vicar) and then will be able to find my first permanent post. My vicar that left last year is now the Archdeacon of Lynn and he's already pestering me to come out his way and telling me that he could find me post. It's like... Ian... you're putting the cart before the horse! But it's nice that he's in my corner and has great confidence in my fledgling abilities.

Wow, respect to you, another long journey, I guess each one will take your mind off the other which won’t be a bad thing (my OH seems to think wls has taken over my life (he’s not nasty about it) he thinks I should stop worrying about protein and carbs every now and again), at least you are expecting not to start until 2020 so no disappointments for ou, exciting times ahead. Can’t wait for you next update. Good luck xx

 

[Maria61]

Glad to hear your dad's doing ok. Hopefully they can at least do something to alleviate the pain from the arthritis. My mom's knees were both shot to buggery and she had to have them replaced. It made such a difference to her and literally added 2" to her height!

Sorry to hear about your back. There's nothing worse than back pain! A few years ago I slipped a disc and ended up in the most excruciating pain from sciatica. The only thing that would touch it was co-codamol.

Sounds like Clementine is a busy girl! One of mine was a light sleeper and I altogether abandoned trying to get him to have a nap when he was about 18 months old. He only ended up causing trouble and keeping his brothers up. It was tough because he was such a nightmare for getting into stuff and was generally super demanding. Nap time was my chance to get a few moments of peace!



I will be so glad to have this next hoop jumped through and on to the next. I guess at least now I know that my surgery will be next year though so I can start using some more of my holiday. We're trying to convince my mom to come over for Christmas, but we'll see how that goes.

I am so looking forward to meeting him! It was really strange because the other day when I saw him on the telly I thought, "I'd never have a chance at meeting him!" Well surprise, surprise, surprise!

I've still got a reaaaaally long row to hoe before ordination and I wouldn't be looking to push anything further forward until I've had my surgery and am healed up and settled with my new lifestyle. I should be seeing the Bishop of Thetford again in the new year and hopefully he'll give me the green light to go to the selection panel. If all of this happens before June of 2019 I would start training in September of 2019 but I suspect it will be that I start training in 2020, which is fine. I will do classroom based theological training for three years and then I will be ordained as a deacon and start my curacy (on the job vicar training). After two years I will be ordained as a priest/vicar but will still have one year of curacy left. After that, I'll get signed off by my training incumbent (training vicar) and then will be able to find my first permanent post. My vicar that left last year is now the Archdeacon of Lynn and he's already pestering me to come out his way and telling me that he could find me post. It's like... Ian... you're putting the cart before the horse! But it's nice that he's in my corner and has great confidence in my fledgling abilities.

Wow how exciting for you x

 

[OkieGirl]

Thanks everyone! It's a really strange position to be, working towards ordination. There's a part of me that feels that it's the right path for me to be on but there's also a part of me that would love to run a million miles away! Time will tell what happens, but if I don't get chosen by the selection panel, then that's fine. It'd be disappointing, but I have to trust in the process and the panel's decision.

Bling, it's only natural that you're being so careful! For people who haven't had the surgery, even if they live with someone who has, they can't fully understand the importance of monitoring your intake.

 

[Parsnip]

Just checking up on you as noticed you haven't posted in a while x

 

[OkieGirl]

Just checking up on you as noticed you haven't posted in a while x

Hi Parsnip! Thanks for checking in on me!

I'm doing pretty good, just playing the waiting game which feels like torture. My weight is still up 5 and down 5, but that's better than regaining the whole lot! I think I'll go back on the milk once we hit November just to edge me downwards before I head to Luton on the 29th November.

After a lot of thought I've decided to postpone the discernment/ordination process for the time being. I have so much on my plate right now with normal life and my surgery that there is no way that I can give it the time and attention it demands. In many ways it has relieved a huge amount of stress that I had been feeling. In a year's time I will meet with the director of ordinands to discuss things and see how I'm feeling but the last time I met him he said there was no rush and that everything that's been going on over the last year and a half (the surgery, my depression and all the upheaval at the church) are probably indications that putting things on hold for now would be for the best. I'm still leading services and preaching at my church and people are still saying how wonderful I am at it, so I feel affirmed that I haven't been barking up the wrong tree all this time!

My mom is going to be here at Christmas, which I'm so looking forward to! We're making all sorts of plans and it will just be great spending time with her. We've not seen her since last October.

On the 26th my husband and I celebrated our 19th anniversary, so yay us! Also, I will have officially lived in England for 19 years on the 2nd November. It's weird to think that in a couple of years I will have lived in the UK as long as I lived in the US.

I also am going from strength to strength in terms of setting boundaries and saying no to people. Honest to Pete, it's so liberating! I've put my foot down several times with people. Not hatefully, but I'm not letting people push me around. Not only that, I've also been trying to pick and choose what I am involved with much more carefully. In fact, I have said that after Christmas, I'll be finished with the church choir. It's something I've not enjoyed for quite some time now and it takes up precious time that I could spend with my family.

I hope everyone is doing well! Don't forget the clocks go back tonight!