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BandedHuns Mad Fat Diary

Personally, when I first saw a photo of you, I wouldn't have believed you'd ever been overweight. You don't look like you have any excess skin and your arms look very slim and toned.
 
Wow we for opening up Hun what a massive thing to reveal! You've come through so much which makes you so strong!

I was still about 9 lbs heavier in that pic than I am now which is mad given I'm 8 months pregnant x
 
Sorry Banded, I didn't see your post when I replied earlier.

It really saddens me that anyone has had that much hurt in their life. Thank goodness you now have a supportve future husband and a new found confidence.
 
Bear said:
Sorry Banded, I didn't see your post when I replied earlier. It really saddens me that anyone has had that much hurt in their life. Thank goodness you now have a supportve future husband and a new found confidence.
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It's ok bear, we all have our issues. I just trusted too much. I trusted too much in my ex husband and his family and then I trusted my employers. Too niave and too young to realise people have hidden agendas. It's why I hated myself and never saw who I really was. In my head I was an awful human being who deserved the abuse, the bullying, the hurt. It's only when you get help, open up to the right people that you realise it's nothing "you@ have done, it's those others seeking out vulnerable weakness and exploiting them...

I'm ok with it now, gutted that the best thing for me is to leave a career that I offered and worked so hard at but, my health has to come first. It' ruins your self esteem and now is the right tim for me to start again.

Lots to look forward too next year. I just hope it helps others out there who can identify with hard pasts, self esteem and worthless thoughts.
That's why I believe in the most stressful situations we can still be kind to ourselves and achieve the unimaginable. ;-)

Xxx
 
Very honest post banded. Life has been hard emotionally for most of us on here :-(

Glad you are in this much better place now xxxx
 
Amazingly brave post. Your honesty from your very 1st post has always endeared me to you. You have certainly been through some tough times that no human being should ever have to deal with but as always your strength, determination, resolve & your fab personality have brought you to a better place. We can all see how much your weight loss journey has helped you to get to where you are now, not just physically (you look amazing!) but emotionally too. Your future albeit a bit uncertain is going to be bright & full of joyful moments. There's no limit to what you can achieve, size 8 is just the start!
 
Hmmmm funny how your only telling what i already knew.......... i guess the signs are so easy to see when you've been there too. I heard a story a few days ago...............(cant remember where mind) where a lady who had been abused in earlier life had always tried to loose weight and would reach a certain point then the weight loss would stop........she sought help and later discovered that weight was her mental block.... that certain weight was the weight she was when abused and was mentally unable to get any lower!!! It stuck with me and am beginning to wonder if i've not hit a similar barrier...so wd for getting thru that and reaching your goal. I found too the male attention was pretty scary the first time, almost put me in a complete tail spin LOL I have always gotten when you talk of your past coming back to haunt you unfortunately it mares the rest of your life and affect your whole being. Your still young try and shake it before it eats your whole life away :) On my very first visit to see the wl consultant, he asked what my eating was like, then he asked about my past?? when i told him, he basically said 95% of the women thru his doors were in similar situations ............. its such a shame that someone else's actions impact so harshly on us so much so that we feel the need to self destruct....
I send huge hugs and say thanks for being so open hunni x x x x your not alone :)
 
Thank you for sharing with us Hun.
It's terrible that someone with so much kindness in their heart for others can punish yourself so much. I'm glad you are finding peace and happiness within and with-out. :)
 
Thanks so much I was so frightened to tell you all what my job was . People always seem to have negative views of officers etc. Everyone I meet is so shocked because they think I'm far to soft hearted to be in the job. But I just wanted to say thanks for all your support. I think in order to move on I need to be honest about the past . What happened and Analise for myself how best to move forward. Acceptance being in of them.

I'd love to write a book or open an actual blog that just highlights everything. How u go about that I have no idea.

Crystal- you amaze me everyday. Your like my soul sister who's sees the cycle and can so identify with it all. Amazing that the signs are there. If we look hard enough.


So today was retail Friday. I brought size 8 skinny ripped jeans and two new size 8 tops and one was a lovely shirt from primark!!! I know!!!
The. I had to do the thing I was dreading and get new bras. I couldn't keep walking round with the saggy puppy ears. So off to debenhams i trundled and saw the new Ted baker range.... Queued to get measured and tried the 36DD too big. I wanted a new white and black bra. They have an amazing swavorski Crystal bra.... And I got into a 34D im Amazed . I ended up with two designer bras both so pretty and supportive. I actually look like I've got boobs not saggy fun bags!

So I have my new white top and bra on , new jeans and I feel amazing... Ohhhh hold on.... Might be to do with the fact my engagement wrong is finally in my finger.... Not my damaged hand but right.... See attached. Yep he finally replaced it. Amazed! Just sparkles.... Can't wait to choose our wedding bands. I'm gonna go shuttle and danty I think as the ring is big and bling-ing....


We then took little daughter off to Nandos for her first chicken and I ate two wings and a diet coke ... Which really hurt my band. Brought her some new jeans ... ( size 12 - and new PJs with pugs on them and got her new DORK book and maths tests to practice. ) so all in all a great day.... Got slimming world in the morning but first we are off out to a friends pub for some drinks on the one off Friday night my soon to be husband has off....

Have a great weekend girls and guys and big big hugs and thanks you for everything . Thanks you for accepting me xxxx
 

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BandedHun said:
Thanks so much I was so frightened to tell you all what my job was . People always seem to have negative views of officers etc. Everyone I meet is so shocked because they think I'm far to soft hearted to be in the job. But I just wanted to say thanks for all your support. I think in order to move on I need to be honest about the past . What happened and Analise for myself how best to move forward. Acceptance being in of them. I'd love to write a book or open an actual blog that just highlights everything. How u go about that I have no idea. Crystal- you amaze me everyday. Your like my soul sister who's sees the cycle and can so identify with it all. Amazing that the signs are there. If we look hard enough. So today was retail Friday. I brought size 8 skinny ripped jeans and two new size 8 tops and one was a lovely shirt from primark!!! I know!!! The. I had to do the thing I was dreading and get new bras. I couldn't keep walking round with the saggy puppy ears. So off to debenhams i trundled and saw the new Ted baker range.... Queued to get measured and tried the 36DD too big. I wanted a new white and black bra. They have an amazing swavorski Crystal bra.... And I got into a 34D im Amazed . I ended up with two designer bras both so pretty and supportive. I actually look like I've got boobs not saggy fun bags! So I have my new white top and bra on , new jeans and I feel amazing... Ohhhh hold on.... Might be to do with the fact my engagement wrong is finally in my finger.... Not my damaged hand but right.... See attached. Yep he finally replaced it. Amazed! Just sparkles.... Can't wait to choose our wedding bands. I'm gonna go shuttle and danty I think as the ring is big and bling-ing.... We then took little daughter off to Nandos for her first chicken and I ate two wings and a diet coke ... Which really hurt my band. Brought her some new jeans ... ( size 12 - and new PJs with pugs on them and got her new DORK book and maths tests to practice. ) so all in all a great day.... Got slimming world in the morning but first we are off out to a friends pub for some drinks on the one off Friday night my soon to be husband has off.... Have a great weekend girls and guys and big big hugs and thanks you for everything . Thanks you for accepting me xxxx
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It sounds like you had a fab day!!! :)

Oh my that ring is amazing!!!!!

Have a lovely weekend love, you deserve it xxx
 
Gorgeous ring babe

Funny I had to go bra shopping today as well - the Tango bra I have been wearing for years from Bravisimo is no longer a suitable style for me and I have moved on to panache. £34 EEK

I have been re reading your posts.... I missed the one about your job and can't find it... Sorry. Are you a copper?

My hubby is a retired cop. He has a medal for bravery, nine commendations and a chief constables commendation. And always had loads of complaints out against him at any one time. He was never complacent about the job lol

He misses it something rotten

But he was an old fashioned copper who would never survive in today's Politically correct force.

We know a lot of cops socially. They all hate it now :-( Lindsay has been out for almost 10 years
 
Yes babe. I've had enough. It's tough in south London, and it's not ever going to get better so I'm thinking its time to go. I hope hubby missed the old days , I come from a family of it, grandad a dog handler, dad, sisters, and mum too and I can't take much more, full of ******s with egos and there's no team work in it, it's just back stabbing and hurt and bullying , cut back and pay cuts . It's not nice place to be at all. My self esteem has been ruined by the constant negativity. London is busy. It's too busy too cope and it's soul destroying.

More shopping today and got a fur Cape and waist coat and a 3/4 length smart new coat and a lime green shirt . Another great day. I've virtually got a new wardrobe and underwear draw now.

I'm shattered now though. Went to SW at 7:30 after getting in at 1am last night at a friends pub- STS so I'm happy. 10:7 still . But then went 30 miles drive to the market shopping then 42 miles back north Essex bound to lunch with grandparents and the rest of my family - i had a nightmare. Lunch got caught and I felt so bad I had to get it up after already PBing into my mouth at the table with all eyes on me. Then I go to the toilet once everyone has left the table and I come out a tad red faced where my foods just plunged straight out my mouth like a rocket and my mums stood outside ... She goes to me... Have u made yourself sick? I was like no, I coughed up bread. God how the hell am I going to get thru a family xmas meal !!!! I'm really stressed now and upset thinking that now she's gonna think I'm
Bulimic again and be watching me. They already think I'm Tony and don't eat much....

Do I come out with the truth??? .... Help

My family are so opinionated. They are so judgemental . I really don't think I could cope with telling them 7 months down the line.... I'm really anxious now. And to top it off we have a family party for my nephews 1st birthday tomorrow. Everyone's there and not my OH as he's working all day. So he can't even defend me against them xxxx

I'm sad today. I'm anxious and I feel like eating on it and I don't want too but I just feel like a failure xxx
 
My new fur waist coat and my new fur hooded Cape .... Total £50 for both
 

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New shirt and cost --- £25 for both and it's the FIRST time I've EVER been market shops .... ;-)
 

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Hun I don't know your family, but I know that the stress of secrets is always worse then the stress of the fallout. Just tell them. They will either get behind you or get over it.
 
It's up to you whether you tell them or not Hun ivd been really lucky as I've never pb-ed so to hide it has been a lot easier but I can imagine how much harder it must be for u!
You never know they might take it well x x
 
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