Thank you everyone. I've been so very self destructive since Saturday, constantly eating sliders, ice cream , chocolate, completely abusing myself to try comfort what little fullness I have in my heart. Eating fast so I threw up and could cry more because I'd been sick not because actually , grieving hurts... And it's ok to cry....
Today I had my filler appt with THG I didn't wanna go, put my jeans on, put a top on ( rather than slumming it in tracksuit and stretchy clothes like the overweight days ) but I went and they were fab, they cheered me up , it got me out the house and I'm SO happy with the results. Just what I needed today. I know time heals but loosing the two of them big babies in under 9 months is a lot on top of everything else.
I'll post my lip results too.
I've decided to start looking after and loving myself better from today, I can't keep abusing myself the way I have, not when I thought I'd come so far, I need to fight with everything I have in me. Life's too short. I need to see how much I have achieved rather than abusing myself coz I'm not "perfect" and my life's not "perfect" . The MH team said last week I try to make myself as small as possible so there is less of me to hurt, that others can hurt or abuse, and it's right I guess. Too right.
Anyway, I'll keep you all posted and I just wanted to say a massive thank you all for your kind words and for just being there when I feel so lonely xxx
PMSL
