kurstywursty
Active Member
Hey gorgeous girl how are you? Where are you?
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BandedHuns Mad Fat Diary
- Thread starter BandedHun
- Start date
BandedHun
New Member
Oh Kirsty .... I'm having a bad time. Had a defill to 5ml and I've been eating **** loads. My weights increasing daily, going from working and being busy to now doing nothing is taking its toll and I'm so controlled by my weight. I loved being 9st something... Now I'm just 10.4 ish and creeping up all the time. I never realised how scared of food and weight I am. I'm at the Drs tomorrow because since loosing both puppies I've been so depressed and really been hard on my self. I spend money to try make myself feel better. Yes even buying a new Audi A5 carbiolet... I'm happy for 24hrs then crying and angry again. I don't know what's happened to me... All I know is I hate myself at the moment, I'm fat and getting fatter daily and I feel out of control ..... :-(
How was the states girlie??? XXXX
How was the states girlie??? XXXX
kurstywursty
Active Member
Banded. You have come so far on your weight loss journey. You can get back on track. Just grit your teeth and hang in every day a day at a time. Just until you find yourself back in a better place. Depression is the Pitts. Best to get some pills love
Just remember how you felt reaching 10. 4 on the way down. I remember how you felt. Ecstatic !!!!!
Enjoy where you are weight wise and concentrate on maintaining that for a wee while. You still look amazing
Try to go very low carb. If you do it will help with the hunger and the cravings. You know maybe the low weight you got to would be really hard to maintain. Why not try to be happy with you just the way you are for today and work on where you want to be tomorrow and the next day when they come
You will come out of this dark place for sure xxx
In the meantime try to love yourself just a wee bit. And stay on here for some support xxxxxx
Just remember how you felt reaching 10. 4 on the way down. I remember how you felt. Ecstatic !!!!!
Enjoy where you are weight wise and concentrate on maintaining that for a wee while. You still look amazing
Try to go very low carb. If you do it will help with the hunger and the cravings. You know maybe the low weight you got to would be really hard to maintain. Why not try to be happy with you just the way you are for today and work on where you want to be tomorrow and the next day when they come
You will come out of this dark place for sure xxx
In the meantime try to love yourself just a wee bit. And stay on here for some support xxxxxx
emmahc1975
Active Member
Maybe Try some exercise? It'll help with weight loss & releases feel good hormones, you can also use it as time to yourself to help get your thoughts together.
sharon2014
Active Member
sorry to hear your struggling love, lots of good advice from the girls! i hope you find a common ground to realise how far you have come and you have so much to look forward to!! xx
BandedHun
New Member
One day at a time.
Yes girls I'm already been referred for help just coz my past issues and with what my past career has done to me ( topped off by things happening at home the last year ) the Drs given me some mitrazpine and I've still got some sleeping tablets so I'll just take them when I feel like abiding myself with Food etc. GP seems to think that I've developed a dysmorphia about my body. That I'm not seeing what is in front of me. Plus the issues now I have with my boobs, lips etc ( even though I love them, I'm constantly looking for ways to change my looks ) I feel so ugly . Both inside and out. It's a horrible cycle to be trapped in. Got an appointment on 9th April to start sorting that out.
I'm off for two weeks on Monday to a rehab centre for stress etc I'm hoping it will cold turkey my food issues too. Just not being able to go shop and buy ice cream just to beat myself up and make myself feel grosse.
I know what everyone's saying about being 10.7 my initial goal weight but when you have been a stone lighter it's scary that it can all go back on in the wrong circumstances. I never thought sinking this low and the constant seeing fat on my body would make my self esteem low again that I would ruin my strict food regime, I guess nothing can last forever. I just need to get back to using the tool properly rather than ruining that.
I think if I stayed between 10st and 10.7 and I was tonnes without this fat that congealed itself onto my upper thighs and tummy only if be ok with it, but seeing my tummy and legs blubby again is so disheartening. I've booked a gym programme on Thursday for toning and fat burning specifically for my body as it's gotten. So I'm hoping that will help. I've already walked 5 miles today so it's not like I've sat on my butt all day .... I am shattered though .
Fingers xd I can get thru the night this evening with no binges, no need for high sugar foods. 5. 5 hours till I can go to bed....
Oh on GP advice im doing 1200 kcal or trying to of good food. 5 small meals a day.
Yes girls I'm already been referred for help just coz my past issues and with what my past career has done to me ( topped off by things happening at home the last year ) the Drs given me some mitrazpine and I've still got some sleeping tablets so I'll just take them when I feel like abiding myself with Food etc. GP seems to think that I've developed a dysmorphia about my body. That I'm not seeing what is in front of me. Plus the issues now I have with my boobs, lips etc ( even though I love them, I'm constantly looking for ways to change my looks ) I feel so ugly . Both inside and out. It's a horrible cycle to be trapped in. Got an appointment on 9th April to start sorting that out.
I'm off for two weeks on Monday to a rehab centre for stress etc I'm hoping it will cold turkey my food issues too. Just not being able to go shop and buy ice cream just to beat myself up and make myself feel grosse.
I know what everyone's saying about being 10.7 my initial goal weight but when you have been a stone lighter it's scary that it can all go back on in the wrong circumstances. I never thought sinking this low and the constant seeing fat on my body would make my self esteem low again that I would ruin my strict food regime, I guess nothing can last forever. I just need to get back to using the tool properly rather than ruining that.
I think if I stayed between 10st and 10.7 and I was tonnes without this fat that congealed itself onto my upper thighs and tummy only if be ok with it, but seeing my tummy and legs blubby again is so disheartening. I've booked a gym programme on Thursday for toning and fat burning specifically for my body as it's gotten. So I'm hoping that will help. I've already walked 5 miles today so it's not like I've sat on my butt all day .... I am shattered though .
Fingers xd I can get thru the night this evening with no binges, no need for high sugar foods. 5. 5 hours till I can go to bed....
Oh on GP advice im doing 1200 kcal or trying to of good food. 5 small meals a day.
kurstywursty
Active Member
Good luck with the rehab banded xxxxx
Keep in tough girl. I care about you xx
Keep in tough girl. I care about you xx
BandedHun
New Member
Positive update
I did it!!!!! 24hrs - no binge , no binge foods. And I feel great for it.
I achieved it by having my protein shake before bed and it's sweet so took away my sweetheart craving . ( 87kcal ) took the dog out for 76 minutes and whitened my teeth when I got into bed followed by a sleeping tablet to keep me asleep till at least 6am .... Hey presto!
I'll attach a picture of my dinner ( I added lemon infused rapeseed oil to add 82kcsl and some decent fats ... As well and a tsp of Avocado. ) I didn't finish it all ( 74g of quorn left over ) but I did enjoy the flavours.
Lunch was a slice of Wholegrain seeded bread with avocado and a boiled egg. Oh my gosh... It was amazing!!!! The flavour blend was ... Amazing!
Today's breakfast has been split into two , a New York bagel with a tsp of peanut butter on eat. One I had at 8am at Costa with a coffee whilst completing my workbook. And just finished off the other half now. So that I'm counting as two meals.
I feel so much more positive. One day, at a time.
I did it!!!!! 24hrs - no binge , no binge foods. And I feel great for it.
I achieved it by having my protein shake before bed and it's sweet so took away my sweetheart craving . ( 87kcal ) took the dog out for 76 minutes and whitened my teeth when I got into bed followed by a sleeping tablet to keep me asleep till at least 6am .... Hey presto!
I'll attach a picture of my dinner ( I added lemon infused rapeseed oil to add 82kcsl and some decent fats ... As well and a tsp of Avocado. ) I didn't finish it all ( 74g of quorn left over ) but I did enjoy the flavours.
Lunch was a slice of Wholegrain seeded bread with avocado and a boiled egg. Oh my gosh... It was amazing!!!! The flavour blend was ... Amazing!
Today's breakfast has been split into two , a New York bagel with a tsp of peanut butter on eat. One I had at 8am at Costa with a coffee whilst completing my workbook. And just finished off the other half now. So that I'm counting as two meals.
I feel so much more positive. One day, at a time.
Attachments
Stick in there and glad you are feeling more positive. x
kurstywursty
Active Member
Great. One day at a time, some times even one hour at a time is definitely the way to go. Well done you xxxx
BandedHun
New Member
Battling now.
Went for a 5000 30 minute walk with the dog had the car cleaned, got up early and went Costa and studied my CBT workbook. Had bagel and peanut butter split into two meals..., went Gym... Then bam! All I could think about was food. I had an energy dump. Couldn't manage the treadmill. But walked for 30 minutes. Then saw the cross trainers and thought I'd go on there and did a blinding workout out of 35 minutes hills for my saggy butt. Burned 687 kcals working out. Only to go home and have steak and carrots and it all came up. Yet I managed to walk out of tesco and NOT pick up the Haagen Dazs!
Now I'm regretting it. I want it so bad. I just want my throat to feel soothed and my belly to feel full and the comfort of sugar ... Grrrrr! Fight it girl.... I can go to bed in 2 hours whitening my teeth and that's all I need to get thru and in that time I can have my protein shake. . .
Went for a 5000 30 minute walk with the dog had the car cleaned, got up early and went Costa and studied my CBT workbook. Had bagel and peanut butter split into two meals..., went Gym... Then bam! All I could think about was food. I had an energy dump. Couldn't manage the treadmill. But walked for 30 minutes. Then saw the cross trainers and thought I'd go on there and did a blinding workout out of 35 minutes hills for my saggy butt. Burned 687 kcals working out. Only to go home and have steak and carrots and it all came up. Yet I managed to walk out of tesco and NOT pick up the Haagen Dazs!
Now I'm regretting it. I want it so bad. I just want my throat to feel soothed and my belly to feel full and the comfort of sugar ... Grrrrr! Fight it girl.... I can go to bed in 2 hours whitening my teeth and that's all I need to get thru and in that time I can have my protein shake. . .
BandedHun
New Member
Agh jeez. I just wrote out a long post and it deleted!!!! Darrrnnnn!
Ooopsie I'll pop a picture of the kits my daughters step mom brings back for me from USA . They se to be good these ones - they are a 7 day course 30/60 mins everyday for 7 days.
My total cals for today were 1133
My total burns were 689
444 cals left as unused calories.
Happy with that although I gave into a mini binge of avocado on whole grain bread. But I managed to have NO fats/ sugars... No ice cream... I didn't drive to go get it ... Tate. In bed now with teeth kit in and sleeping tablets taken ....
Night people xxxx
Ooopsie I'll pop a picture of the kits my daughters step mom brings back for me from USA . They se to be good these ones - they are a 7 day course 30/60 mins everyday for 7 days.
My total cals for today were 1133
My total burns were 689
444 cals left as unused calories.
Happy with that although I gave into a mini binge of avocado on whole grain bread. But I managed to have NO fats/ sugars... No ice cream... I didn't drive to go get it ... Tate. In bed now with teeth kit in and sleeping tablets taken ....
Night people xxxx
Attachments
BandedHun
New Member
FML I must try this!!!!! Lol xxx
BandedHun
New Member
Failure alert.
So I managed just short of 72 hours with no sugars... Gave myself permission to have junk ( one pot ice cream and I've fallen off wagon completely ) since Monday to this morning I dropped the 4lbs of bloatness. Felt thinner in the tummy. Then today.... BLEW IT!
I got up early and tried my new heated rollers out. It went ok but my hair just won't hold in place, I went for a morning coffee as DD had before school club and shops and bank didn't open till 9am so had from 7:45 till 9 am so rather than drive home to go back out I stayed out at Costa, filled in passport applications , read the daily paper. Got to the bank for 9am, wedding dress shopping for a wedding I'm at on Saturday , got two dresses to choose from - see attached. They do not do it justice ( ive decided on black and white one- it's stunning on with slit to leg and curved skirt edge ) keeping the pink for a night out... Maybe one day!
Drs to collect all my meds. Sunbed. Catch up with friends then home in time for OH to wake from nights.... Open door... MOODY lazy mode! Out goes gym coz he's in "failure" mode. And that was that, I've had ice cream, Galaxy creme egg, fresh bread and butter and a kfc tonight. Granted.... I'm making seem like I've ate it all but I haven't and my belly hurts, I've got the runs, I've PBd all evening and my check / throat pain is unreal. Just complete utter disgust ....
Plan of attack -
******************
oWrite in my blog-
oTake make up off -
o whiten teeth whilst watching BBC the truth about sugar ( my heroin!!! ? )
o take sleeping tablets
o get dressed into Gym clothes so after school run and post office to mail passports I'm in the gym for an hour cardio and abs session
o DO NOT BEAT MYSELF UP ABOUT TODAY , tomorrow
o move on and remember how good I felt after nearly 72 hours .....
o drink over two litres of water tomorrow!
If only it were that easy but I'll give it a go ;-)
So I managed just short of 72 hours with no sugars... Gave myself permission to have junk ( one pot ice cream and I've fallen off wagon completely ) since Monday to this morning I dropped the 4lbs of bloatness. Felt thinner in the tummy. Then today.... BLEW IT!
I got up early and tried my new heated rollers out. It went ok but my hair just won't hold in place, I went for a morning coffee as DD had before school club and shops and bank didn't open till 9am so had from 7:45 till 9 am so rather than drive home to go back out I stayed out at Costa, filled in passport applications , read the daily paper. Got to the bank for 9am, wedding dress shopping for a wedding I'm at on Saturday , got two dresses to choose from - see attached. They do not do it justice ( ive decided on black and white one- it's stunning on with slit to leg and curved skirt edge ) keeping the pink for a night out... Maybe one day!
Drs to collect all my meds. Sunbed. Catch up with friends then home in time for OH to wake from nights.... Open door... MOODY lazy mode! Out goes gym coz he's in "failure" mode. And that was that, I've had ice cream, Galaxy creme egg, fresh bread and butter and a kfc tonight. Granted.... I'm making seem like I've ate it all but I haven't and my belly hurts, I've got the runs, I've PBd all evening and my check / throat pain is unreal. Just complete utter disgust ....
Plan of attack -
******************
oWrite in my blog-
oTake make up off -
o whiten teeth whilst watching BBC the truth about sugar ( my heroin!!! ? )
o take sleeping tablets
o get dressed into Gym clothes so after school run and post office to mail passports I'm in the gym for an hour cardio and abs session
o DO NOT BEAT MYSELF UP ABOUT TODAY , tomorrow
o move on and remember how good I felt after nearly 72 hours .....
o drink over two litres of water tomorrow!
If only it were that easy but I'll give it a go ;-)
Attachments
WeightlossDreamer
Well-Known Member
Live the dresses! Good luck tomorrow! Maybe if your feeling the urge to binge u could try an options hot choc instead or a chocolatey protein bar or maybe some of that skinny cow ice cream instead of the Haagen Dazs. Good luck with your plan for tomorrow x x
kurstywursty
Active Member
The dresses are both gorgeous.
Try buying Atkins choc mint bars. They are really filling. No sugar - taste a wee bit like after eight ....and are full of protein and stop the urge to binge
You can do this
You will do this
Xxxxxx
Try buying Atkins choc mint bars. They are really filling. No sugar - taste a wee bit like after eight ....and are full of protein and stop the urge to binge
You can do this
You will do this
Xxxxxx
WeightlossDreamer
Well-Known Member
Banded check this out you could have relatively guilt free dessert!
