so 2013 has already been nuts.. hope everyones doing well and didnt suffer too much over the festive period..
Celebrated being an aunty again over the weekend and it felt weird being in the same hospital that had been a prison of impending doom for most of last year, and nothing but bad memories. Nice to see my family can finally assosciate something good with the place again now.
On way to mat ward bumped into one of the nurses who cared for me on the ward and she didnt recognise me immediately, she kind of looked at me, took a second look and being a cheeky so and so I asked her "what on earth are you staring at Alex??" and her face was a picture when she realised it was me. Got a hug and an omfg! She said she wouldnt have thought I was the same person. I last saw her in particular in August 2012, I had an NJ tube at the time, pipes out my side and was a sorry state. She was totally blown away by the difference and it feels good to know that even though I cant necessarily see the difference all the time, there is Something happening. I must be doing something right.
So my new nephew Charlie is gorgeous and I am now blessed to have 2 nieces, and 2 nephews to even it all out a bit. Of course the usual comments of "when you having one??" come along from aunts and uncles who you avoid and dont see unless theres a birth, death or wedding.
Part of my wanting surgery was to hopefuly change my fertility so i could have my own family in time with 'the one'. As 2013 has certainly gone off with a bang alright.. relationship breakdown, and now all these questions of "when you having a family" and being reminded Im not as young as I was anymore kinda dampened things. But.. being there, seeing little Charlie, and realising Ive got another nephew to spoil rotten, share things with and when had enough - pass back to his parents at the end of the day makes me grin.
Sometimes its hard to stay positive as it feels like when I get knocked down I get back up, get to my feet and kicked back down. One thing Ive learned from this whole experience, is that nothing is impossible or out of reach if your prepared to stretch that bit further and try a bit more.
Its been almost 11 months since I had surgery that changed my life for the better and worse. Ive requested the surgery date anniversary off work hope I can get it.. and also the day things got bad as dont know how Ill deal with this. Im already wracking my brains endlessly and it stirs weird feelings up and I need to get a grip over them before they engulf me. I have developed a whole new number of things to obsess over and confuse me, time to start battling them and smash them to pieces.. Sound crazy?? I think so too..
On a more positive note, Im now down to a size 12 jeans, work trousers and size 12/14 top. Not bad from a 34 eh?? Does anyone else have the "terminator effect" when theyre in a room?? I recently experienced this phenomena on Friday at a regular group where you walk in, say hi and get a full visual body scan terminator style.. evil looks.. and then.. what size are you now?! uncomfortable is an understatement of this phenomena because it was followed up by a "your smaller than me!!" and "but you were bigger than me!" and my favorite.. "Ive even had a tummy tuck!!" Also kind of dampens things, but Ive come to learn that theres always someone or something to pee on your bonfire and rain on your parade.. but its cool Im building a bigger fire and getting a marquee!