20th august will soon whizz by! Excited for you muchly! I don't think any of us were cÀlm about it. Its scary serious business. Take it easy as you start the transition and more importantly ENJOY!
How am I? Mixed! The Raynauds at the moment isn't medically controlled I understand they can aleviate symptoms but that's it. Have to have an ECG on Monday to try work out why I've been blacking out and causing bp to suddenly drop. But trudging along.
I had stomach pressure tests and barium meal with tilting table test on friday. I was told I have a hiatal hernia pertruding through stomach wall. We've also found out the valves above stomach need surgery as when they tilted me back after 30mins of drinking it rolled right back up from gut to throat and out. On medication to try fix this.
I had a follow up appointment today to discuss what's happening etc.. To be told I don't have a hernia - its scar tissue! The member of the team who told me shouldn't have told me. I'm dissapointed! Not bc I want a hernia but bc again its another of those omg.. Things and just another log on the fire. But on good side of things it means no more ops for now! That's good!
Ah the other half? Lol
he's wonderful and as much as I hate to admit it, I'm totally head over heels in love. He is also the reason I havnt udpated. Much on there - busy with work (eeek), the hospital and living.
We've known each other years had some sparks between us but time wasn't right, fell out of contact and now were inseparable. He's pretty much moved in!
He met my son/dog who tried to eat him (jack russell-corgi x) now they're best friends! Am at an awkward time where I'm happy. Yes! Actually happy and content with life at the moment. Comfortable, looking forward to things and making plans. We've been seeing each other since March and feels right and feels well.. Undescribeable - warm, fluffy. Cotton wooley, scary, excited and amazing. Not rushing, taking things easy, however we have also discussed things like moving in together at some point. It feels right, but I'm all.. Oh but I just redecorated my flat! He's like yes its lovely but its confined.. Need a garden for my stepson (the dog) when were ready! Don't want to run before we can walk, but don't want to miss anything.
To be fair he's pretty much moved in. We talk about anything, everything and I know he loves me for me and not how I look. We've had a few "deep" conversations and I loved being put on the spot! Particularly the "where do u think you will be in 2 years time". My answer of being sunneÐ by a cabana boy in the bahamas was frowned upon, and when I swung it round on him got a real deep meaningful and beautiful answer that makes me think oh my! He really genuinely loves me. Yes I'm scared but in a good way. Whatever happens things are great.
Work is.. Busy and driving me insane but a good distraction.
I've been visiting a girl in my hospital who has the same probs as I had after her surgery and trying to support her. Met her friday, down in the dumps sad, upset, hurting and angry. Can't get out of bed, feed tubes, the works.Sound familiar? Talked a while, agreed to visit her monday.
Went monday - her face lit up! I kidnapped her in a wheel chair and we went out and about round the hospital grounds. First time she had been outside in the sun since February. We just sat outside in the sun talking girlie stuff, what's happened to us and its helped us both a great deal. Also taught her to penguin dance like happy feet periodically to get used to standing.
Picked her up off the ward yesterday to goto our support group that meets at the hospital. Met the group (barmy lot) and got her off the ward a bit. Yesterday she got out of bed unaided and got in the wheelchair to go out, and back into bed later on.
Popped in to see her today after my appointment - sitting up in bed, sipping the drink I'd left her to try. The fruit pot I'd left shed managed to eat a couple of pieces of peach (canned consistancy) and a little juice. When I went back to work she was braving some kind of minced beefy stuff. I think it might be too rich for her on a puree diet bc it wasn't actually puree and quite rough textured but she was trying it. Awkward to eat n drink with an nj feed tube in but she was trying it. She also said shed tried and got out of bed and into the chair herself
Talked to one of the nurses on way out whod cared for me and she said she had come on vastly since friday when she saw her last. Stunned to see me, but had said I'd said I'd see her and when I walked in she was a pleasant sight to see! So different from the girl on friday who's head was hung down, couldn't look people in the eye and was teary. I had it bad but she's had additional family probs and it breaks my heart. Giving her a break from a visit and joy ride in wheel chair tomorrow as has family coming to see her (she's 40miles from home) and no visitors but me atm and family at weekends. Friday I'm gonna pop and see her again but she's gonna push me in the wheelchair
that's the deal!
Meeting her seeing how bad she is/was has opened a whole new can of worms for me. I still got issues I'm working on and it hits home that that was me a year ago and where I am now and where I have come to and what I can achieve and I think its given her a little hope. That's one thing I'm proud of.
While I remain traumatised in some respects, I can see how the trials to fix me with different things meant her leak was detected sooner - days instead of weeks. She was stented, when didn't work the next thing was tried. Its avoided her having drains and further surgery so far and I find comfort knowing that my pain and suffering though still hurt meant she didn't have to endure what I did. Yes she's had hell, her own private hell that can't compare to some aspects but the collateral damage is less. That can only be a plus.
I helped someone like me. I'm feeling proud of me today
Work is nuts - roll on friday!
Doesn't time fly Chrisa?! Stay safe all x
