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My Gastric Bypass Journey -Onwards and Upwards-Well this is a start
- Thread starter mandy-1975
- Start date
mandy-1975
Regular Member
thanks nic......... means alot...........
I just want to be loved, and unfortuantely my mother is incapable of that, and would love to be loved by my dad... but it is hard
I just want to be loved, and unfortuantely my mother is incapable of that, and would love to be loved by my dad... but it is hard
To my friend Mandy, I was gonna talk about this on MSN just now but i would rather Post this.
Your are the most lovely, helpful person i think i have ever known. U have have helped me so much and i just want to say i love u lots. in the short time i have known u , u have cared for me, supported me and been such a good friend. When i read about this i want to protect u but i know i can't. I want you to be strong and show him who u are now. Not the weak little girl anymore but the Vivacious woman who is a survivor of so many things. The woman who has the strength to hold a loving happy family with a gorgeous son an husband.
Do not think of the negatives because YOU ARE IN CONTROL. You want to be loved by someone who may not be willing to give u that but like in everything in our lives ...if it makes u happy...give it a shot. Now u have succeeded in everything else in your life so go in there and show him who u are and what u want...if he is unable to play the rules you will be the one telling him ...not the other way around, yes it may hurt but at least u will know .
If u do cry or show emotion....u are just human...there is nothing wrong in that. People assume u have to be cold faced to get a point across...if that is not u , do it in which ever way u feel comfortable because that is the right way. i will be thinking of u mate ....u have lots of love around u . mwaaaaaaah xxxx
Your are the most lovely, helpful person i think i have ever known. U have have helped me so much and i just want to say i love u lots. in the short time i have known u , u have cared for me, supported me and been such a good friend. When i read about this i want to protect u but i know i can't. I want you to be strong and show him who u are now. Not the weak little girl anymore but the Vivacious woman who is a survivor of so many things. The woman who has the strength to hold a loving happy family with a gorgeous son an husband.
Do not think of the negatives because YOU ARE IN CONTROL. You want to be loved by someone who may not be willing to give u that but like in everything in our lives ...if it makes u happy...give it a shot. Now u have succeeded in everything else in your life so go in there and show him who u are and what u want...if he is unable to play the rules you will be the one telling him ...not the other way around, yes it may hurt but at least u will know .
If u do cry or show emotion....u are just human...there is nothing wrong in that. People assume u have to be cold faced to get a point across...if that is not u , do it in which ever way u feel comfortable because that is the right way. i will be thinking of u mate ....u have lots of love around u . mwaaaaaaah xxxx
mandy-1975
Regular Member
Thanks livvy............. yep you had me in tears!!!!!!!!!!!!
My head can go in there and do it but it's my heart that has the problem!!!!!!! truthfully if i am honest, i know exactly how it will end..... I know that if i am true to myself he won't like it and will walk...... but i have decided I am doing this for me no-one else.....
If he doesn't want to listern and know the facts then that is going to be his loss, I will not and no longer, let him treat me or MY SON like this anymore...
He says he feels guilty for never protecting me and allowing my mother and brother to do and treat me the way they did! but that isn't my problem, he has to live with that himself!!!!!!!
I know I have to be strong but, believe me it is so hard at the moment!!!!!!!! i wanna eat
My head can go in there and do it but it's my heart that has the problem!!!!!!! truthfully if i am honest, i know exactly how it will end..... I know that if i am true to myself he won't like it and will walk...... but i have decided I am doing this for me no-one else.....
If he doesn't want to listern and know the facts then that is going to be his loss, I will not and no longer, let him treat me or MY SON like this anymore...
He says he feels guilty for never protecting me and allowing my mother and brother to do and treat me the way they did! but that isn't my problem, he has to live with that himself!!!!!!!
I know I have to be strong but, believe me it is so hard at the moment!!!!!!!! i wanna eat
alliecat
frustrated bander!
Oh I feel for you Mandy. I am yet another Minimier with a turbulent relationship with their Dad and I have not seen mine for months now which at the moment does not bother me but then, I do deep down want his approval I suppose. Whenever he comes out of the woodwork he has an innate knack of making me feel inadequate, insecure and 5 years old again and it sends me scuttling straight to the food cupboards too for the comfort I never had from him (or Mum but that was because I reminded her of him and they split when I was tiny!!)
I really understand I think, good luck for tonight. Let us know how it all goes but remember to go in with the attitude of the strong and successful woman that you are xxxxxxxxx
I really understand I think, good luck for tonight. Let us know how it all goes but remember to go in with the attitude of the strong and successful woman that you are xxxxxxxxx
mandy-1975
Regular Member
Thanks Ali
Thats just how i feel........... my dad does that alot..... weird isn't it......
For some reason i am so tempted to cancel, but i know i have to do this for me.... so to speak close another chapter... but deep down i am dreading it...
fancy coming with me.......
God i hate this feeling...
alliecat
frustrated bander!
it is an awful feeling Mandy - my Dad has never been there for me, and my Mum re-married when I was six. Dad still thinks he has been a wonderful father, despite the fact that I have only ever seen him a few times a year but he still makes me feel totally inadequate now and he is one of the only people I have never been able to face up to telling how I really feel. Don't cancel hun, it can't be any worse than how you are thinking it will be. You are a strong person and will come out smiling whatever happens xxxx thinking of you xxxxx
mandy-1975
Regular Member
Thanks Ali................. you definaetly understand....... ot sure about being the strong person or the one that will come out smiling........
mandy-1975
Regular Member
Well guys i am going to pack up ready to go, home..................... wish me luck for tonight...........xxxxxxxxxxxxx
abz
New Member
hey hon. i have just come across your thread and have read the entire thing. i hope all went well with your dad last night.
are you feeling better? are you keeping food down these days? do you have any more appointments to sort you out? i think i may have missed something somewhere along the way.
just to say that i think what you have done and what you have achieved is amazing.
abz xx
are you feeling better? are you keeping food down these days? do you have any more appointments to sort you out? i think i may have missed something somewhere along the way.
just to say that i think what you have done and what you have achieved is amazing.
abz xx
mandy-1975
Regular Member
Good Morning Everyone!!!!!!!
Thank you all for your support!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday night, well he was half an hour late, which doesnt go down to well for me...... then when we arrived, he did alot of small talk nad beating around the bush, we were at this nice restaurant/pub...... he had 3 pints and then said one more then i will have to go, all in the space of 40 minutes.... which got me nervous and frustrated!!!!!!!
So when he came back i decided enough was enough and just spurted it all out, telling him that what i felt, he kept saying thats rubbish and no thats not right, i kept saying to myslef don't cry don't cry..... but i put my foot down and told him that he promised to be there for me and promised to make up for lost time.
I made a point of saying that you either accpet my husband or you walk out of my life now for good...... and that Paul had been there far more than he ever had, he said it wasn't that he didnt like Paul but that he had issues, so i said like what, he explained that he doesnt like the fact that Paul loves his golf and that i don't get to do my own thing.....
I said what aload of crap, yes my husband can be abit obsessed with golf, but if he is happy then so am I, and that seeing him and my son happy makes me very happy, and that i don't do my own thing, cause i don't trust people so don't have many friedns to go out with and do my own thing...... and that truthfully i didnt need to explain to him that....
He said he was hurt when a few months ago i had said he was never there for me, when he was there until i was 13... i said yes but you werent there when it mattered! he left me with an abusive mother and the son that had spent 10 years abusing me, plus a baby that i did not want... he said he couldn't take me......(which was a cop out)..... then i said you werent there for me the time you were at home, cause if you were then i wouldn't of been abused for so long, and the fact of the matter was you and mum spent your lives in the pub... every afternoon and evening!!!!(he didnt like that)
I told him what i thought of his partner who coincedntly looks and acts just like my mother..... and that she had no right to comment or make any judgements when she had only been with him for 1 yr... an dthat whilst she may think he is perfect he is far from it!!!!!!!
He told me that i was stupid and thoughtless for having this operation!!!!!!!!!(his idea of losing weight is being an alcholic and smoking 60 fags a day- he thinks i will lose weight that way) then he made a comment about some friends i know - which got me angry as he was judging my friends by ho wthey dressed and not them as a person..... which is reidulous i take people for who they are not how they look....
In the end he decided it was time for him to leave......... so nothing was really solved, although i was quite frank, and at least i know now where i stand.........
Whislt i do feel very down and sad.... I am going to look at the positive which is I am married to a wonderful man and have a wonderful son, whom both love me dearly!!!!! and secondly whilst i don't have any friends taht are close to me, I do have all the friends i have met on here, which are some wonderful people and I am enternally grateful for....
So on Saturday I decided sod it and had my hair done, got rid of the purple and have gone Black with pink in and everyone loves it.......
Thank you all for your support!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday night, well he was half an hour late, which doesnt go down to well for me...... then when we arrived, he did alot of small talk nad beating around the bush, we were at this nice restaurant/pub...... he had 3 pints and then said one more then i will have to go, all in the space of 40 minutes.... which got me nervous and frustrated!!!!!!!
So when he came back i decided enough was enough and just spurted it all out, telling him that what i felt, he kept saying thats rubbish and no thats not right, i kept saying to myslef don't cry don't cry..... but i put my foot down and told him that he promised to be there for me and promised to make up for lost time.
I made a point of saying that you either accpet my husband or you walk out of my life now for good...... and that Paul had been there far more than he ever had, he said it wasn't that he didnt like Paul but that he had issues, so i said like what, he explained that he doesnt like the fact that Paul loves his golf and that i don't get to do my own thing.....
I said what aload of crap, yes my husband can be abit obsessed with golf, but if he is happy then so am I, and that seeing him and my son happy makes me very happy, and that i don't do my own thing, cause i don't trust people so don't have many friedns to go out with and do my own thing...... and that truthfully i didnt need to explain to him that....
He said he was hurt when a few months ago i had said he was never there for me, when he was there until i was 13... i said yes but you werent there when it mattered! he left me with an abusive mother and the son that had spent 10 years abusing me, plus a baby that i did not want... he said he couldn't take me......(which was a cop out)..... then i said you werent there for me the time you were at home, cause if you were then i wouldn't of been abused for so long, and the fact of the matter was you and mum spent your lives in the pub... every afternoon and evening!!!!(he didnt like that)
I told him what i thought of his partner who coincedntly looks and acts just like my mother..... and that she had no right to comment or make any judgements when she had only been with him for 1 yr... an dthat whilst she may think he is perfect he is far from it!!!!!!!
He told me that i was stupid and thoughtless for having this operation!!!!!!!!!(his idea of losing weight is being an alcholic and smoking 60 fags a day- he thinks i will lose weight that way) then he made a comment about some friends i know - which got me angry as he was judging my friends by ho wthey dressed and not them as a person..... which is reidulous i take people for who they are not how they look....
In the end he decided it was time for him to leave......... so nothing was really solved, although i was quite frank, and at least i know now where i stand.........
Whislt i do feel very down and sad.... I am going to look at the positive which is I am married to a wonderful man and have a wonderful son, whom both love me dearly!!!!! and secondly whilst i don't have any friends taht are close to me, I do have all the friends i have met on here, which are some wonderful people and I am enternally grateful for....
So on Saturday I decided sod it and had my hair done, got rid of the purple and have gone Black with pink in and everyone loves it.......
