Why why why

[A.Positive]

This has made me so sad and I couldn't agree more with many of you have already said.

When I think of what it took for me to speak with my GP initially and then the not knowing if surgery would be months and months away. The crying and desperation and then day dreaming about having a life again.

They aren't ready to change which means they are not ready for surgery. They will probably be one of the few who say surgery didn't work for them.

 

[Wobbly71]

I agree with all the posts. The pre-op is a taster for how to manage post op. Does she realise how hard it is going to be after the op? even harder for you all I presume as I am a bander and was only 2 weeks post op liquids then 2 weeks mushy. Maybe she needs to rethink x x

 

[A.Positive]

Paula, how far is your friend in the process? If she is still in the early stages she could be "forgiven" I suppose. I know when I first started looking at weight loss surgery and I didn't really grasp what it entailed, I remember asking you all if you missed food and worried if I would be able to eat the same foods I do now.

It was only when you all made me realise, that I could either let go of those old eating habits or fail. After all, those old ways are what got me here and ruined my life. I had no choice, I wanted to fix my health issues and beat this once and for all. Perhaps she just needs to hear that from you? If she still can't get her head around it then she needs to wait.

 

[Paula Garner]

She's at the point of asking the GP for a referral. But has wanted surgery for years, or so she says. Obviously she doesn't want it enough yet.

 

[A.Positive]

She's at the point of asking the GP for a referral. But has wanted surgery for years, or so she says. Obviously she doesn't want it enough yet.

Sigh, well then she has had quite enough time to get her head around it.

 

[AlphaEcho]

Some people just can't be told, let her go and cheat, eat all the cream cakes she wants. She will probably do it only the once and hopefully have the most miserable dumping experience that will put her off ever doing it again.

If she's having her surgery done on the NHS I would be really annoyed. So many people rightly deserve to have their surgery done on the NHS and many others have been rejected by their CCG's even though they meet the NICE guidelines (myself included here) and have had to find their own way of paying for surgery. Getting your surgeey done on the NHS is a great gift and 99.9% of people will respect that and do everything in their power to make their lives better. But there's always someone who wont play by the rules.

I'd wash my hands and let them get on with it. Sounds a bit tough but that's how I feel if even before having surgery their trying to work out how to cheat after it. They can't be that serious in improving their life.

AE.

 

[Ines4C]

This is why now I am so grateful that they made me work hard for it. I had to work with a specialist weight management clinic for a year first, losing 10% of my body weight by myself by making small maintainable changes, to prove that I was definitely keen on the surgery and willing to make the changes. At the time I hated it but it preparedme and taught me to use bthis precious tool wisely and not to see it as a magic pill that would take away all my weight issues by itself. It is very sad when people squander that gift, especially if they get it via the NHS.

 

[WitchInWorthing]

I'm sure I am going to get some flack for this but people are only human, with their own issues and triggers and emotions .... some of the posts about their 'gift' make it sound easy and straightforward and this process, whether surgical or not, simply isn't.

I am thinking of having a takeaway tonight ... I have no targetted weight loss, no date for surgery, just a set of guidelines and some seminars to attend in september. Does this mean I am not worthy? that I should quit now for some more deserving soul? That I don't deserve surgery, that I am not ready?

No it doesn't, it means I have taken a decision about what I will eat and I take responsibility for it. How will I feel afterwards ... hopefully ok because this is a planned meal, but if I had fallen off the wagon because of a problem I would feel like poo and would hope I would get more support than to be thrown under the bus. I have no idea how this person feels about breaking their diet - maybe it will stop their operation, maybe it has taught them a lesson which means the rest of the process will be fine. Or maybe they aren't ready for surgery.

I have no idea, but to my friends who are currently supporting me with their time and effort, please understand if I don't live up to your expectations.

xxx

 

[Ines4C]

I agree, we are human, and we all struggle, otherwise we wouldn't need the surgery. However I still don't understand how people can't even stick to something temporary like the pre-op diet, if surely they can see a light at the end of the tunnel, as well as otherwise face the fear of being opened up and closed up again without anything being done because the surgeons can't access the area safely. And that alone would motivate me, and did motivate me to stay on course.

 

[happy days]

As it goes I've just ordered a Chinese myself. Yes we are human. My only point was if you can't stick to this for ten days then what chance do you stand if success

 

[JoJoTGirl]

Aw careful, I got a blasting for saying something similar to a post opper a couple of weeks ago! Lol.

Personally I think it's madness as what chance have you of sticking to the rules post op if you can't even manage a couple of weeks pre op!?!?!

As time goes on, I find myself thinking about the odd little cheat but so far, thankfully, I have mananged to keep it to the very occasional "treat" rather than cheat but I was determined before pre op, determined post op and am determined now that a healthy weight range is in sight. I wish her luck but sadly I have a feeling she'll be posting asking about stalls and being a "slow looser" before very long.....not that I don't acknowledge stalls happen and people lose at different rates before you all go loopy. ; )

I'd be a bit tempted to tell her you'd seen her post and were worried for her.

 

[Lilacglittergirl]

There's a big difference between being told you need to have WLS, and seeking it for yourself. I know someone who was 'told' and didn't embrace the experience, or engage with the support team.

 

[Ines4C]

Personally I would say unless you really want it yourself, don't do it, as otherwise you will only embrace it half-heartedly and you'll be much more likely to not make the changes necessary and stretch your pouch or make the surgery not work for you. I know a girl whose mother kept pestering her to have WLS, but she just doesn't want it, and I said to her, unless you really want to do it for yourself, don't do it as by doing it half-heartedly, you might endanger yourself even more van by not doing it.

 

[happy days]

Aw careful, I got a blasting for saying something similar to a post opper a couple of weeks ago! Lol.

Personally I think it's madness as what chance have you of sticking to the rules post op if you can't even manage a couple of weeks pre op!?!?!

As time goes on, I find myself thinking about the odd little cheat but so far, thankfully, I have mananged to keep it to the very occasional "treat" rather than cheat but I was determined before pre op, determined post op and am determined now that a healthy weight range is in sight. I wish her luck but sadly I have a feeling she'll be posting asking about stalls and being a "slow looser" before very long.....not that I don't acknowledge stalls happen and people lose at different rates before you all go loopy. ; )

I'd be a bit tempted to tell her you'd seen her post and were worried for her.

I did tell her straight this morning. Just have to bite my tounge a bit more as Iam her boss

 

[happy days]

There's a big difference between being told you need to have WLS, and seeking it for yourself. I know someone who was 'told' and didn't embrace the experience, or engage with the support team.

She put herself forward for the op. her problem is she Allways thinks she knows best

 

[Lilacglittergirl]

I agree, we are human, and we all struggle, otherwise we wouldn't need the surgery. However I still don't understand how people can't even stick to something temporary like the pre-op diet, if surely they can see a light at the end of the tunnel, as well as otherwise face the fear of being opened up and closed up again without anything being done because the surgeons can't access the area safely. And that alone would motivate me, and did motivate me to stay on course.

I had to do four weeks pre-op of four WW soups and four Muller lights only every day. Apart from one small gherkin in week two (just for the crunch), I stuck to it 100%. What kept me focussed was the fear of my Liver not being shrunk enough and having it damaged, or no surgery at all. Or an open incision and therefore longer convalescence. As it happens, my discharge notes for my GP said my Liver was "modest". Job done!

 

[JoJoTGirl]

I did tell her straight this morning. Just have to bite my tounge a bit more as Iam her boss

Ah, now that makes it more difficult. Good for you for being straight though.

I just don't know why anyone would put themselves through an op and all the possible future issues etc without the intention of making a complete go of it.

At least you know you offered all the good advice and support that you could but at the end of the day, she has to put in the hard work too..........I wish that was commoner knowledge to the "outside world" really, that hard work and discipline are required for success.

 

[femfrankie]

This is why now I am so grateful that they made me work hard for it. I had to work with a specialist weight management clinic for a year first, losing 10% of my body weight by myself by making small maintainable changes, to prove that I was definitely keen on the surgery and willing to make the changes. At the time I hated it but it preparedme and taught me to use bthis precious tool wisely and not to see it as a magic pill that would take away all my weight issues by itself. It is very sad when people squander that gift, especially if they get it via the NHS.

Ditto on this inesc4c as you know my experience was similar. I hated it but it helped me focus my mind in recognising what needed to be done and that it wasn't going to be an easy fix....it's damn hard but with that hard work the rewards are spectacular. Ok I'm just starting out my life as a bypasser but I am more so proud of my pre bypass weight loss which has got me over half way to my target.
Im maybe going to be shouted down for saying this but i really do think a 10% pre op loss is far too little ...and it should be at least 20% I make no apologies for being a hard taskmaster but if you are truly focused you will do it

 

[A.Positive]

Witch, you are making a controlled choice. From the short time I have "known" you, I have read about you learning to deal with your emotional eating and making the steps you need to change, tiny bit by tiny bit.

But to make the decision to cheat on a a ten/fourteen day eating plan?

When I had my Pre-Assessment, the dietitian told me that the folks who don't follow the rules and stick to the pre-op diet are always the ones that run into issues post-op. One such person, decided to tuck into roast chicken 2 days after surgery, they got themselves into a right state.

 

[Ines4C]

Ditto on this inesc4c as you know my experience was similar. I hated it but it helped me focus my mind in recognising what needed to be done and that it wasn't going to be an easy fix....it's damn hard but with that hard work the rewards are spectacular. Ok I'm just starting out my life as a bypasser but I am more so proud of my pre bypass weight loss which has got me over half way to my target.
Im maybe going to be shouted down for saying this but i really do think a 10% pre op loss is far too little ...and it should be at least 20% I make no apologies for being a hard taskmaster but if you are truly focused you will do it

I don't know about percentage, but definitely let them work hard so they can appreciate that they have to make the changes.