BandedHuns Mad Fat Diary

[BandedHun]

Well where to start....

I'm heartbroken at the moment. Not only did my OH book a holiday to Cyprus he then to me about being a week and coming home today. He made a flippant remark before he left saying that recent events in the bedroom felt like the "last time" to him... I found this remark hurting and I didn't quite know what to make of it. We argued and he went away. Now, expecting to pick him up this evening I'm now left with last night being told "he messed up" really he's home Monday night. A total of 12 nights he's booked. He's lied about taking double the amount of money out and hadn't paid the bills this month. I'm soul destroyed at the moment . I feel used. I hate my body, I feel disgusting and dirty. He knew I wasn't happy about the second holiday and then he lies about the flights knowing damn well what he booked and now makes me think that his remarks were coz he knows I 1) can't stay with him walking all over me 2) if I do stay with him- I'm allowing this behaviour with no consequences to breaking my heart.y work situation is stressing me to the point I can't cope, the pressure is unreal and I can't see the woods through the trees at the moment, I've cried buckets over the past 24 hours and I feel forced in to situations I didn't cause of plan because of someone else's actions. My heart feels empty and so desperately lonely.

Sleeping tablets and a bottle of wine just feel like all I want right now. I know it sounds so self consuming but my career is in ruins, my OH walks all over me and I can't talk to anyone.

I can't eat and I just look like death. I feel so selfish talking this way but I can't keep these thoughts and feelings inside. He had let me down so very much :-(

 

[Crystalrainbow]

Honey i soooooo need to wrap my arms around you and let you know everything is going to be ok. I'm not what to say, if it will make you feel any better. But I know deep down you already know ............how could someone that says they love you treat you this way? to hurt you so badly and let you down, when everything else is falling around your ears...... to me someone who loves you is there to support you 24/7 thru thick and thin rather than running away??? maybe hes struggling to cope with it all too?? who knows but i feel sure home with you is where he should be. Frankly if this was my man he would be looking for a new place to live when he arrives home!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT TURN THIS ON YOURSELF (sorry for shouting) under no circumstances is this your fault, do not allow others actions to hurt you, do not allow anyone to disrespect you hunni...... you have worked so hard to overcome your battles with your eating, you have worked so hard to get to this point....... you are beautiful, bright, strong........ dont let some other **** treat you this way......... Please do not turn tis on yourself...........dont let them win. I feel so much anger for you..... get yourself away from this burning feeling of destruction, you will only feel worse if you hit that button. Stay strong PLEASE ........ Be strong on the work front too hunni i know easier said than done x xx x xhuge huge huge hugs sweetheart xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[emmahc1975]

No1 should make any1 feel this way, & what he's done sounds malicious & very deceitful. You're right that you shouldn't be treated this way & your right that you shouldn't allow him to do it to you. Sorry i cant do a longer reply but YOU ARE a strong, intelligent & beautiful woman (((((((big big hugs)))))))

 

[WeightlossDreamer]

i will echo what the girls have already said hun noone should be making you feel this way, and as your other half when your goin through such a crappy time he should be there for 24/7 for support. He seems selfish cos its not just you theres your little one to think about too. He may not be her dad but he still has a responsibility to her, whats it teaching her him just walking out on you to go on holiday like that!

 

[BandedHun]

Thank u my beautiful friends.
Some of your words have reduced me to tears. Thank you ( in a nice way) I didn't know whether to write what I was experiencing or not. I feel so self centred and I shouldn't be . Not When there are people genuinely suffering ( not just mentally) I'm healthy but I'm so desperately unhappy... It feels like I'm wrong to feel this way, but I know you guys are right, I'm not being mellow dramatic life's really thrown me some **** this year and doing it alone when your in a so called relationship is hard it's confusing, I feel like everyone else deserves happiness but I'm not worth what others have. The odd bunch of Morrisons flowers when it's payday ( not the most expensive either) lol that's me being a cow now. Lol ... But thank you. All. For just being there .

 

[tweetybaby]

The one thing that is the hardest to do is to make the decision to be single. A few words to describe that guy start with T, F and K. I would put them on but would get thrown out. Be strong, in your heart youll know what to do. Im celebrating 9 yrs with my husband today and in all the world i love him and he loves me. He would wipe my bum if i couldn't and his idea of a great night is with me. Took me to squish a few toads to find.

You deserve happiness and you are gorgeous and will be snapped up. Hell Id have you if i was that way inclined. Mwah x

 

[WeightlossDreamer]

I think tweetypie has summed it up real nice Hun you so deserve to be happy x

 

[sharon2014]

Aww love I'm so sorry to hear your going through this! xxx

You have had some great advice from other ladies so far, I just want to reiterate and agree with it all! You have been through a lot and look amazing, anything you have done has been for you and your gorgeous daughter!

Don't let one person let you feel like that!!

I wish I could be of more help, I'd come and kick his arse from the airport with you if I could!!!

I know easier said, but try to stay strong and remember we are all here for you love xxx

 

[SingerMo]

Well where to start.... I'm heartbroken at the moment. Not only did my OH book a holiday to Cyprus he then to me about being a week and coming home today. He made a flippant remark before he left saying that recent events in the bedroom felt like the "last time" to him... I found this remark hurting and I didn't quite know what to make of it. We argued and he went away. Now, expecting to pick him up this evening I'm now left with last night being told "he messed up" really he's home Monday night. A total of 12 nights he's booked. He's lied about taking double the amount of money out and hadn't paid the bills this month. I'm soul destroyed at the moment . I feel used. I hate my body, I feel disgusting and dirty. He knew I wasn't happy about the second holiday and then he lies about the flights knowing damn well what he booked and now makes me think that his remarks were coz he knows I 1) can't stay with him walking all over me 2) if I do stay with him- I'm allowing this behaviour with no consequences to breaking my heart.y work situation is stressing me to the point I can't cope, the pressure is unreal and I can't see the woods through the trees at the moment, I've cried buckets over the past 24 hours and I feel forced in to situations I didn't cause of plan because of someone else's actions. My heart feels empty and so desperately lonely. Sleeping tablets and a bottle of wine just feel like all I want right now. I know it sounds so self consuming but my career is in ruins, my OH walks all over me and I can't talk to anyone. I can't eat and I just look like death. I feel so selfish talking this way but I can't keep these thoughts and feelings inside. He had let me down so very much :-(

Oh Hun he sounds like a #%EUR$¥% and you deserve much better than that. I don't know you very well but you've been so supportive of me and a lot of people on here. Clearly you are a kind person who has been through a lot. If I could say anything to help it would be you deserve to feel loved, you deserve to be happy and you are NOT alone.

When it comes to relationships imagine your best friend described the situation you were in. What would you advise them to do? Sometimes it's easier be objective when you imagine someone you love being treated badly by their OH.

Be kind to yourself, be selfish, and definitely don't keep it inside.

Thinking of you :0)

 

[tweetybaby]

His ears better be burning LOL.

 

[tweetybaby]

Hope your ok this morning BH and got some rest? X

 

[BandedHun]

Morning guys and Dolls.

Today I'm not feeling great . Feeling supportive and that a problem shared is a problem halved. I'm caught in limbo of not wanting to end the relationship because he lied about flights, bill money, etc.... But because I can't trust him, I've had all sorts of thoughts going thru my head. The sex thing, then why is he so desperate to go this time, why those dates specifically, why the lies, why not FaceTime the first day ,,, sounds crazy but I've never did trusted him and it makes you feel insane, I want to prove I'm a strong woman and no one will walk over me ( but he will ) he's walked over my heart because it was my trust

I'm just trying to figure out what's the right thing to do

 

[sharon2014]

Its difficult when your head and heart are saying 2 different things love...just take time to think everything over...no matter what the outcome you will come out the other side a stronger person for it, and if it turns out he isnt the one...you will have plenty of guys lined up to take his place when your ready. If he is the one, then you will work through this rough patch!

xxxx

 

[emmahc1975]

Its a big decision, take ur time to think about it. Sometimes our gut feeling is harder to act on than hard facts. Ask yourself the question, am i happy in this relationship? If not, ask yourself can i be happy? If your not happy there's no point carrying on. Life is too short.

 

[Nikola]

Hey Hun so sorry to read you're having such a bad time :-( . The girls have given you some good advise but when you're in that position it's so hard to see the wood for the trees ... I stayed in a bad relationship for years and years and when he finally put me out of my misery and left me (thank god) I was utterly heartbroken but did 2 things that real sorted my head out :
1. Read Paul McKennas book "I can mend your broken heart " - totally recommend it Hun there is a line in it that says something like "there are billions of men in the world why be with this one who makes you feel like this" This really made me think !
2. I had some counselling sessions - 5 I think - paid around £35 per session - omg this woman completely sorted me out - I drove home feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders - this will prob help you come to a decision about work too.

A lot of women split from their other halves when they lose weight - they become confident and reach the point where they just won't put up with that crap any more. If you can tackle your weight demons how you have you can sort the rest.

Massive hugs babe

Nik xxx

 

[BandedHun]

I think I've plateaued with weight and being a size 12 too. No more weights coming off despite hardly eating and sleeping and anxiety over what it is exactly he "has" in Cyprus that meant he had to go there at this time and had to lie about how long he actually booked for. They single thought feeling and anxiety has been through my mind over and over. I need to be strong and no reply or speak to him, I need not to pick him up from gatwick and be his beck and call. He chose this. He messed up. I recieved a dozen red roses this afternoon thinking if be happy and I was disappointed, how selfish am I. They were cheaply boxed all bashed up and no ribbons , no nice card, just like another morrisson bunch ... I must be the hardest woman in the world to please. When I buy my Girlfriends flowers or I see others get them they are huge bunches all ribboned up , arriving in fancy boxes with vases and beautiful note. This came smashed up in a fed ex box with a wet recycled but of paper... Authentic ?!? ****s knows but I'm angry. If this is meant to make me feel better it hasn't. It's made me feel even more worthless . ( I have to remember he tried right???? ..... ) no he shouldn't be there when I'm going through hell and certainly shouldn't be there longer than what he told me he booked for I feel like a complete fool. A complete idiot. I feel like he's given me no choice but to leave him because I dint want to feel like this. Full stop. I don't want to be someone's door mat. I feel worse today than I've ever felt.

 

[BandedHun]

My weights pissed me off too!

 

[tweetybaby]

Is there anyone who might know what he is up to in cyprus? Or would asking do more harm than good?
Be careful with yourself, you need to think about what the future will be and Its nothing without trust unless you have the capacity to put things behind you.

 

[emmahc1975]

Just checking in on you Hun. U r strong! I'd throw those flowers in the bin! Focus on your fantastic weight loss achievement, you've done so well. Ur before & after photos r truely inspirational. We're all so proud of you & you should be proud of yourself! Dont worry about stalling when your so close to your target, the last few pounds are always the hardest.

 

[kurstywursty]

I would not be picking him up!

I hope things work out for you one way or another honey.

You have to decide what you can accept and put up with. There is no right answer here. But if you decide to accept his treatment of you, you need to find a way to not let it destroy you.

My relationship with my hubby was not always as good as it is now. I was in therapy at the time. My therapist gave me the above counselling.

She pointed out that how he was treating me was 'his stuff'. If I chose to stay with him, I should do so with eyes wide open, knowing that I was making that choice and living with it. If I could not do that, without being able to deal with it, I should walk away!

I decided to tough it out as I did not feel strong enough to be on my own, but developed my own interests, stopped relying on him for my happiness, found some inner strength and relied on me to make me happy. I took on board the advice that this was his stuff and how he behaved was not actually all about me, but more about him. Things turned around we got a house, got married and he now tells me he couldn't live without me and treats me very well, to the best of his ability. I always knew he lovd d me, but loved himself more lol. But as I became happier in myself, I stopped nagging him, he became happier in our relationship and today I don't just hear the words that he loves me I feel it! And am really happy. But there were a couple of really bad years where I cried a lot. Looking back, I think it was about my lack of self esteem. He would never dream of disrespecting me now as I think I give off a vibe that I wouldn't accept that. Keep working on yourself babe, it will all fall into place for the best one way or another ((((Huggs))))