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Gastric band, My journey, the thruth, the whole thruth and nothing but the thruth
- Thread starter miserable
- Start date
thanks Joey! So I have tried to upload a picture but I don't think it worked but I will try again once home and have more time. BUT I want to warn this is the only picture I use as it is the only picture I like and it was taken years back... so again once i get home i will try to upload picture at my heaviest (this is a big deal but needs to be done to realise and appreciate how far I have come) and the one that i like. I mainly am hiding behind my GORGEOUS dog. Which is why i like it so much it takes the focus away from me and onto the dog who is beautiful. Big white german shepherd! Unless you are like my mother in low, who at the begginning of our relationship demanded a picture of me so this is the one i sent her again thinking it will take the focus away from me and onto my dog. When I went to their house for the first time 3 months later, there i was BIG BIG frame of me (blown up to fit the frame, not a good look) and guess what the dog got cut out of the picture! I nearly fainted with horror!!! Bless her she is a lovely lady but I was not happy bunny for a few days 
anyway, hope you can see the picture if not Oh well i have try and will remain for ever a mistery mhouaw!
anyway, hope you can see the picture if not Oh well i have try and will remain for ever a mistery mhouaw!Good evening everyone,
well I had an awesome day. Went out shopping with one of my friend. And although it is nice to see how far you have come, it also shows how much further you have to go. So I bought myself a nice dress from New Look in size 14 and even though i cannot to the sip not even around my buttocks it is something to aim for. So when I got back from shopping, went straight back at the door and took the dog for a walk. And made it a power walk. 11 minutes for one mile and did 3. I even starting jogging at one point. Now the biggest news is I did not need my inhaler to help me breath afterwards! Now 4 months ago I would have needed my inhaler just going up the stairs! Now that's what i call a good day!!! So why did I go shopping, well we have a work event next week when we are meeting our clients face to face and my bully of a boss took me aside and said that I need to dress smarter! I never bought nice clothes because prior to surgery, i cannot stay the same weight never flutuated from size to size. IN 18 month i went from 16 - 18 size down to 14 then up to 20!!! Now imagine a £100 suit in all those sizes! So anyway, even though I am hoping and determined to be much slimmer, I did buy some working clothes. Did buy stuff on sales but.... I fell in love with a handbag (completely irrelevant but come on who likes shopping for working clothes, shoe shopping and handbag is much more fun!) and also a nice jacket! One of those that you can dress up for work or interview etc... but dress it down with some nice jeans and boots... Jacket £60 handbag £40..... Now the jacket, size 16 is tiny bit too small but I think once i get to target it will be this tiny bit too big but it is fitted. So my dilema is do I get size 16 thinking I will be able to enjoy it straight away and thinking my shoulders and boobs are going to shrick that much or do I get size 14 in the hope it will fit once at target? Any ideas??? But all this gave me a boost, I actually can see myself thin not just dreaming about it! So onto the swimming pool next week and more power walking and I will hopefully start shifting some descent weight especially combined with my second fill on 21st. Can't wait!!1
Happy week end.
well I had an awesome day. Went out shopping with one of my friend. And although it is nice to see how far you have come, it also shows how much further you have to go. So I bought myself a nice dress from New Look in size 14 and even though i cannot to the sip not even around my buttocks it is something to aim for. So when I got back from shopping, went straight back at the door and took the dog for a walk. And made it a power walk. 11 minutes for one mile and did 3. I even starting jogging at one point. Now the biggest news is I did not need my inhaler to help me breath afterwards! Now 4 months ago I would have needed my inhaler just going up the stairs! Now that's what i call a good day!!! So why did I go shopping, well we have a work event next week when we are meeting our clients face to face and my bully of a boss took me aside and said that I need to dress smarter! I never bought nice clothes because prior to surgery, i cannot stay the same weight never flutuated from size to size. IN 18 month i went from 16 - 18 size down to 14 then up to 20!!! Now imagine a £100 suit in all those sizes! So anyway, even though I am hoping and determined to be much slimmer, I did buy some working clothes. Did buy stuff on sales but.... I fell in love with a handbag (completely irrelevant but come on who likes shopping for working clothes, shoe shopping and handbag is much more fun!) and also a nice jacket! One of those that you can dress up for work or interview etc... but dress it down with some nice jeans and boots... Jacket £60 handbag £40..... Now the jacket, size 16 is tiny bit too small but I think once i get to target it will be this tiny bit too big but it is fitted. So my dilema is do I get size 16 thinking I will be able to enjoy it straight away and thinking my shoulders and boobs are going to shrick that much or do I get size 14 in the hope it will fit once at target? Any ideas??? But all this gave me a boost, I actually can see myself thin not just dreaming about it! So onto the swimming pool next week and more power walking and I will hopefully start shifting some descent weight especially combined with my second fill on 21st. Can't wait!!1
Happy week end.
NOMOREyoyo
will YOYO no more!!
Sounds like a very very positive day xxx
xxx
crazycatlady
New Member
Hey mis did u go shopping? I'm just getting confidence back to go into town and look around. Hope ure feeling good. I'm sure ure looking fab xxx
crazycatlady
New Member
Way to go girl!! It's only money and handbags shoes and clothes are well worth it!! Xx
Evening everyone,
Finally back home after spending the week end in London working,long hours power walking everywhere but I LOVE IT!! This is the time in the working calendar i look forward to the most!!!! It also helped me doing a lot of soul searching and why I do struggle so much with my relationship with food and what consequences it has on my life! I think I am scared of my potential. It may sound big headed but people that knows me will know that I am the home that give s myself a hard time all the time. I don' think I am good enough for anyone or anything and been overweight is my get out jail excuse. Well I can't do this or deserve that or this and that and it's because I am overweight and therefore been worthless. So now that I have the REAL opportunity to be slim for the first time ever and I am sabotaging myself because I won't have an excuse to keep beating myself and think of myself been worthless... It is like I am going to be slim, I am going to be pretty, I am going to shine instead of hidding in the backgroung, I am going to be great but yet somehow I am scared... Its like in a reaching distance yet I can't let myself get there!!! ARHHHH I am sure it does not make sense to anyone It is so frustrating. Same with carreer progression, going for job interview, I think: Why would they hire me? most people will be better than me and I truelly convinced myself and it does not make me better and visious circles starts all over! Example at the show this week end some of the exhibitors are clients of mine (I work in sales) and one of my biggest french client was at the show and prior to them arriving at the show I had an altercation with the english lady... anyway, at the end of the first day we had a meeting with her, two french people (which i speak to compare to hardly ever spoken to her apart from one situation which was an issue I had to solve as my MD makd a big boo boo). so anyway got through it made everything better and at the end when I though we were done this horrible lady who is only their to do some translation said to my MD in english that i was a nightmare to deal with that speaking to me was hitting a brick wall!!! *****!!! BUT what she did not do was translate this to her employer who weren't aware of that situation. I was cruched, I hold it together until i was outside and burst into tears... bearly slept that night I was cruched, I proud myself in having 1st class customer service and for someone who I barely ever had dealing with except standing up to her (she was demanding so much stuff for free and I had to put a stop to it and say stop taking the piss!) and in front of my MD. Anyway one of the french person that was in charge so that I was upset and demanded to know why so I had to tell him and he said that it was unprofessional (to right the horrible nasty witch!) and it was certainly her personnal opinion and in no way shared with anyone else!! Why I have no idea, some people said she was a bitter older lady and I was young blonde and pretty!!! So all day and all week end I had so many positive comment about how pretty I looked, How pretty my hair looked and how great I am at my job and one person ruined the experience for me!!! Why on earth to I listen to the one bitter old witch and dis regard all the other lovely comments!!! If only i could break that cycle it would made some difference to my life!!!
Anyway, results of all this is I am struggling, did barely lost 2 pounds since my first fill which was December 10th! Can't wait to have my second fill and feel some restriction. Question for you, when you have good level of restriction (i.e constant one not just straight after a fill) does it fill a bit like straight after surgery (i.e 3 weeks out)? I have no restriction I eat everything, I drink everything! and I keep thinking, well make the most of it before you can't have it anymore and I can't switch this cycle!!! arhhhh.... How to be confident, how to embrace this opportunity rather than sabotaging myself over and over again??? anyway rant over.
Finally back home after spending the week end in London working,long hours power walking everywhere but I LOVE IT!! This is the time in the working calendar i look forward to the most!!!! It also helped me doing a lot of soul searching and why I do struggle so much with my relationship with food and what consequences it has on my life! I think I am scared of my potential. It may sound big headed but people that knows me will know that I am the home that give s myself a hard time all the time. I don' think I am good enough for anyone or anything and been overweight is my get out jail excuse. Well I can't do this or deserve that or this and that and it's because I am overweight and therefore been worthless. So now that I have the REAL opportunity to be slim for the first time ever and I am sabotaging myself because I won't have an excuse to keep beating myself and think of myself been worthless... It is like I am going to be slim, I am going to be pretty, I am going to shine instead of hidding in the backgroung, I am going to be great but yet somehow I am scared... Its like in a reaching distance yet I can't let myself get there!!! ARHHHH I am sure it does not make sense to anyone
It is so frustrating. Same with carreer progression, going for job interview, I think: Why would they hire me? most people will be better than me and I truelly convinced myself and it does not make me better and visious circles starts all over! Example at the show this week end some of the exhibitors are clients of mine (I work in sales) and one of my biggest french client was at the show and prior to them arriving at the show I had an altercation with the english lady... anyway, at the end of the first day we had a meeting with her, two french people (which i speak to compare to hardly ever spoken to her apart from one situation which was an issue I had to solve as my MD makd a big boo boo). so anyway got through it made everything better and at the end when I though we were done this horrible lady who is only their to do some translation said to my MD in english that i was a nightmare to deal with that speaking to me was hitting a brick wall!!! *****!!! BUT what she did not do was translate this to her employer who weren't aware of that situation. I was cruched, I hold it together until i was outside and burst into tears... bearly slept that night I was cruched, I proud myself in having 1st class customer service and for someone who I barely ever had dealing with except standing up to her (she was demanding so much stuff for free and I had to put a stop to it and say stop taking the piss!) and in front of my MD. Anyway one of the french person that was in charge so that I was upset and demanded to know why so I had to tell him and he said that it was unprofessional (to right the horrible nasty witch!) and it was certainly her personnal opinion and in no way shared with anyone else!! Why I have no idea, some people said she was a bitter older lady and I was young blonde and pretty!!! So all day and all week end I had so many positive comment about how pretty I looked, How pretty my hair looked and how great I am at my job and one person ruined the experience for me!!! Why on earth to I listen to the one bitter old witch and dis regard all the other lovely comments!!! If only i could break that cycle it would made some difference to my life!!! Anyway, results of all this is I am struggling, did barely lost 2 pounds since my first fill which was December 10th! Can't wait to have my second fill and feel some restriction. Question for you, when you have good level of restriction (i.e constant one not just straight after a fill) does it fill a bit like straight after surgery (i.e 3 weeks out)? I have no restriction I eat everything, I drink everything! and I keep thinking, well make the most of it before you can't have it anymore and I can't switch this cycle!!! arhhhh.... How to be confident, how to embrace this opportunity rather than sabotaging myself over and over again??? anyway rant over.
crazycatlady
New Member
It's so amazing yet painful to hear words from someone rise that make total sense. You're not alone. I totally read your post and it was like someone gets it! I self sabotage too all the time. Because exceeding and feeling good about yourself is considered vanity and arrogance in society and 'we project all that upon ourselves. It's easier to beat ourselves up first too-do it before anyone else gets there. My sister and i get on better when I'm fat. Less jealousy, less conflict. Please just keep going-keep writing. And jeep believing we can win this fight. Demons in our head. You can do it. Big hugs xxx
