Toto's diary

[Travellingman]

MrsPill, it is good to get back to work. I went back last week and it has been a real blessing to be back. The day goes so much quicker, routines are backs and you dont seem think about your surgery. I hope you have a job to go back to that you enjoy.

Don't worry or stress about things that have not happened, look to forward to a new you and all of the positives things that will come from a healthier you.

 

[MrsPill]

Kind words...thankyou I do enjoy my job and I miss the chat so I shall enjoy it. Hope things are good in Oz x

 

[Travellingman]

Life is good here. The weather is suprisingly warm so I am taking advantage of it by going for a walk at lunchtime. I hope going back to work has been positive.

 

[MrsPill]

I haven't written anything for ages as I'm back at work so have little energy at the end of the day.
I've definitely become more positive as the weeks have gone by. The niggly things after surgery have disappeared- I am NOT a patient patient! I had a stitch that was giving me a bit of discomfort as it was poking out and catching on clothes and I kept playing with it!!....so I thought I'd cut it off so I grabbed the end of it with and pair of tweezers and it pulled out in my hand!! aaaggghh. Yuk! It felt like I was going to unravel haha but it was ok.
I've STS with weightloss this week which I'm convinced is TOTM although I'm a member of Team Menopause but i still get side effects and I've felt awful this week but I'm not bothered. Thats a big difference because pre-band I'd have been stressing out that I hadn't lost and I would have given up but I really feel like I might win this time. I'm also to start eating proper food this week so that will affect weightloss too. I can definitely feel a difference in the quantity I can eat so my first fill next week will be needed although I can still feel restriction but not as much.
Eating-wise I'm enjoying scrambled eggs and ryvita for breakfast, houmous or pate for lunch and fish, cauliflower cheese, shepherds pie, mashed potatoes and such like for tea. I really enjoy being able to eat 'normal' food in lesser quantities. It feels wonderfully liberating. Haven't tried salad yet- bit nervous about it but will try maybe this week.
I have been out twice for meals with work and friends. Its not been very enjoyable TBH. I stressed about things sticking so I'm going to avoid this for the foreseeable future. Going out for coffee will have to do and I'm ok about that. Eating out has always been one of my things but I guess its a small price to pay for seeing results on the scales.
I went shopping at the weekend and tried clothes on. I'm not quite into M&S but its not far off. I'm saving up for a whole new Per Una wardrobe when I get another couple of stone off..don't tell my husband!

 

[MrsPill]

So... its been 3 weeks since I wrote anything in my diary because it had turned onto a total 'moanfest'!! I have been totally neurotic and panicked about the whole process and I'm wondering if its my age. You know that old thing about not being able to teach an old dog new tricks...maybe thats been the problem for me. Or is it just my personality? Whatever it is, I'm glad the 1st two months is past. I feel much more in control of my eating and my food now. I know when something is going to stick and what to do about it....(slow down, small bites and chew to a paste!) And I'm enjoying my food so much more because I'm starting to taste it all now that I'm not throwing it down my throat!

I think you have to be very brave to start this journey. The changes to your eating habits are huge let alone having to face surgery. So this week I'm patting myself on the back because I've faced it all ( not very well at times!!) and I'm sort of winning in this battle that I've been fighting for most of my 53 years!

 

[BrianT]

Well done MrsPill. Looks like you've got your head in the right place
You know what to do to stop it being uncomfortable when you eat and you recognise that there are going to be major changes in the way you've done things most of your life.
I'm 52 and I've only really just realised that my life could have been so much better had I not let myself get this way. So you keep patting yourself on the back and just look at the results and see and feel what a difference there must be to the new you.
atback:

 

[MrsPill]

Thanks Brian- kind words. I really hope your surgery goes well and your recovery is good too. The weight will fall off you with a bypass and will make you feel on top of the world. The next week will be the slowest week of your life!!

 

[MrsPill]

I was eating a fish pie for tea tonight ( from M&S- yum) and I wasn't really thinking about it and the next minute I thought "Oh dear - this isn't going through" and up it came! It wasn't sore- just a weird feeling.
This has thrown me a bit because I haven't really lost much recently because I can eat huge amounts and I'm going for a fill tomorrow- but I think I ate it too fast. I didn't let it 'go down' before I ate more. That'll teach me!
Now its got me thinking that maybe I don't need a fill. Oh well, I'll see what nurse Lorna has to say

 

[MrsPill]

Well, Lorna didn't think I needed a fill either and wouldn't give me one! We agreed that as I have restriction then perhaps its my food choices that need to be thought about instead of squishing my band tighter so I'm to experiment with that for 2 weeks and I have an appointment with the dietician in 2 weeks. I can have a fill then if he thinks I need one. Glad I have sensible support
So today has been easier since I've chosen well and calories have been 750-ish and no hunger.
Every day is a learning day So glad I had a band

 

[MrsPill]

So I went and saw my dietician this afternoon and he said I've to try eating bread as this is one food that is dense and fills you up. In fact when I told him I could eat 2 slices of toast with scrambled egg he laughed and said I have no restriction at all! He says that a wholemeal bread sandwich is a good indicator for having a fill or not as when its good restriction then you should be satisfied with less than half a sandwich. I got told off for not eating enough during the day but then if I haven't got any restriction then I've done well not to put on really. So I got a 0.5ml fill and go back in 2 weeks. I'm having a cup of coffee just now and its taking ages to go down which is a feeling that I haven't had for a while! I'm looking forward to losing again because it was becoming a bit of a pain STS week after week. I must admit though that I'm not as frightened about eating as much as I used to be. Sticking and PBing used to terrify me but I've learnt to cope much better...although I've only PB'd twice so far.
Its funny, I have that feeling in my mid-chest area again since I got the fill. ...the tightness has returned!!! Yeehaaaaa.

 

[MrsPill]

Back to see Lorna today about a possible fill again. I can feel the restriction but its nowhere near where I think it should be. I definitely felt it after my last fill 2 weeks ago but it relaxed off after about 5 days. I must remember that after todays fill....give it time to settle down again. And I must remember not to panic...panicking doesn't help anything and if anything happens, Lorna is only 15 minutes down the road!
Bit nervous about the fill though TBH. After Tamgreddans fiasco last weekend it has made me realise what a fine line that sweet spot can be on.
Apart from that, I'm looking forward to eating less again because I put on 8lbs after my pals birthday party!!! EIGHT POUNDS!!!!! I guess its because I don't drink alcohol very often and my liver has sucked up all the carbs etc and I'm retaining fluid...but 8lbs!! Come on! ( It was good fun though!)

 

[MrsPill]

Fill done- up to 5ml in a 14ml band. She says I'm to find foods that are hard to get through and just eat those! I said I'm going to look like a ryvita then!

 

[MrsPill]

2 weeks ago I went to ask for another fill. My provider will only fill 0.5ml at a time which is taking forever to get anywhere near enough. I've now got 5.5ml in and its the first time I can honestly say that food is hard to get down. Pure protein takes some time after chewing to go through my band and it has slowed my eating down a LOT. Some things still go through easily though and I have to really watch the treats!
I'm now 4 months post-op and I can honestly say its not a quick fix and neither is it as easy as i thought it would be. The food demons are still there but I do feel quite strong to fight them with my band.
Since the last fill I also don't feel as hungry. My stomach really doesn't rumble as much which is a huge difference to the past. It means I can eat small meals and feel satisfied although I still have to fight eating until I'm stuffed!
A part of me wishes it were easier. Another part of me wishes it was faster. But this is me just being very negative because I haven't been this weight (having lost just under 50lbs) for about a decade and I feel good. I just want to feel better and slimmer and I truly hope that 2012 brings me some success and greater control over food.

 

[Tray3004]

Ur goin great hun well dun here's to 2012 xx

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery

 

[JO28172]

stick with it and think how sexy we are all gonna be in our bikinis next summer who is your provider? I've had a 5ml and a 2ml fill so far!! x

 

[MrsPill]

Hi Jo,
I am with Spire in Edinburgh. They have a fill protocol of 2ml then 2ml then 0.5ml thereafter. She says slower is better because you then don't end up with a too tight band but I guess it depends on which make of band they use. It had just seemed a long time to get to decent restriction but my nurse says I should be patient as it takes time and it is a lifetime commitment.

 

[JO28172]

All worth it in the long run Hun x

 

[MrsPill]

Its strange to read back over my diary as every fill I've had has been soooooo exciting and full of promise and its always had me high as a kite thinking that finally, finally I'll have some control over the hunger and I've come to down earth with a bang after about 3 days post-fill when you realise that there is no fecking difference!! It has been the slowest most frustrating 9 months of my life...BUT, I've lost 4stone now ( mainly through fear at the beginning!) and it has also made me face my food demons. These demons are sneaky barstewards. They like to sabotage my every attempt at dieting. They think they are doing me favours. They think they are adding enrichment to my life. They think they are calming and soothing my stressful existence. And all they are really doing is making me fat!
Now of course, I'm talking about taking responsibility but hey! Life's hard and I've been through a life of hard knocks and come out the other side with strength, resilience and success and...a gastric band, which is my bestest of all friends because I can't ignore it or get angry with it or be a total teenager with it because its a constant reminder of what I need to do. Beyond even reminding me, it helps me by stopping me shoving vast quantities of food down my gullet before my brain can remember why I wanted to diet and I'm constantly amazed by it.
Thankyou Spire Healthcare, Thankyou Mr Tulloh, Thankyou Mr De Beaux, Thankyou Lorna, Thankyou Dr Fred,.... and thankyou to all my friends on this forum because without you I'd have gone under because I've found the journey very difficult. But most of all, thankyou Bertie Band because without you I was heading for the grave!

 

[miserable]

Oh Mrs pill big hugs. You and I have the same journeys and its not fun ::'(

 

[MrsPill]

Its because when you combat the volume eating we've still got emotions to deal with!! Must be in our genes! I'm 1/4 Italian!! haha