Gastric band, My journey, the thruth, the whole thruth and nothing but the thruth

[miserable]

Good evening everyone,

Quick update from me if I may. Been away for a week, visiting family in France in in North Devon. It was looooveeelllyyyy. Loved every minute of it. Weight loss wise, as most people reading my diary will know no one in my family knows about my op. My OH did told his mother, which means everyone on his side knows. I had one really bad experience, it was on Easter Sunday lunch and my dad who eats very very fast rushed us a bit and i tried not to get noticed and tried to keep it up and it backfire and bite my bum big time!!! got so ill, sliming some heavy white saliva (sorry tmi) tried to make myself ill but nothing will shift and eventually it passed but boy oh boy I don't want to experience it ever again. On that note, again people who have followed my journey will know, I finally got restriction! I would even push the boat to sweet spot! YEAH... also would like to say something: I had my op on 13th October 2011 and have not really been over the moon about the op so far, but achieved a few things now....
Achievement one: I have finally waved goodbye to the 13's yeah yeah yeah
Achievement two: I am finally slimmer that my OH WHOUPY WHOUP!!!!
Achievement three: My parents noticed i lost weight and are over the moon (even though they don't know the ins and out so shuttttttt )

So now, I can eat of a side plate and feel full and not like I am restricting myself. I enjoy what I eat and that's it! I had today for lunch (to give an idea to the newbies) three slices of cucumber, 4 santini tomatoes, 3 crab sticks, mayonnaise and 2 slices of salami. So not the healthiest but this is what I like and I don't want to always feels like I am on a diet.

Oh oh I forgot, no calories counting for a week, a week of holidays eating easter eggs, and croissant and pancakes and chicken and chocolate brownies and no scales..... now you will think I am heading for a disaster weight wise, well, drums rolling, i have lost 3.5 pounds in a week... More that ever in a week, since the op. So moral of the story is ???? do what works for you and don't compare yourself to anyone else. This is your journey no one else and the tortues win the race so will just start enjoying my life with my band without stressing

 

[Mazza]

Ah lovely to see such a positive post from you xx

 

[miserable]

Thank u Mazza, sorry I was such a miserable cow

 

[mellyb28]

Mis, I've always been able to relate to your journey because mine is via the scenic route too! It's lovely to hear that things are going well for you hun and that you're enjoying the ride. Your posts have always been honest but I don't think you've ever lived up to your user name! x

 

[Lisav]

Well done on that fantastic weight loss! Sometimes it just works like that doesn't it when you relax from trying so hard then the weight decides to drop off! Well done! You're an inspiration to me as a pre-op bander

 

[miserable]

Oauh thank you ladies. I always said from the day go that I would be very honest and give an accurate picture of what it is like living with a band. Good luck to you all xxx

 

[AmyN]

Big high five from the North. What a change from a few weeks ago - amazing! x

 

[miserable]

So very very quick update from me. Did not have my fill on Saturday as I am finally experiencing restriction. I am sorry but I have to say, life is easier once you get some restriction, don't get me wrong all naughty stuff like crisp and chocolate go down way to easily but I feel empowered and good. To prove it every single day one of my colleague dropped some chocolate on my desk. I did not want to hurt her feelings so accepted it. Now I hear you ladies shouting at your computer nooooo don't do it!!! And I did not eat it, I passed it onto a skinny colleague of mine hi hi . So big milestone for me today. I have finally waved goodbye to the 80's kgs and said a very wonderful good morning to 79.4kgs!! Plus I am finally only overweight and no longer obese or morbadly obese like I was back in august last year. Whoup whoup me. Plus everyone is noticing and giving compliments yeah life is good right now. Let's hope it carries on.

 

[Daisyhappy!]

Absolutely thrilled for you mis!x

 

[flutterby1966]

Mis, its so good to hear the positive you And you just need to keep setting yourself little milestones and before you know it you will be at goal!!!! And maybe even beyond. Roll on that wedding - your 10lb mini goal is not far out of reach now I am sure xxx

 

[miserable]

So back by popular demands!!! Only joking J how have I been... good could be better could be worse as they say. Since experiencing restriction I sadly discovered how deep and messed up my relationship is with food. It is like I actually enjoy hiding behind it! I am like, I have every tool and capacity to achieve a goal weight and feel good, but I am too scared to let go of that comfy blanket which is food, I know it sounds mad and it is very difficult to explain but food is stopping me from achieving stuff or so I keep telling myself, but what if I still fell and I only have myself to blame, no more escuses.... and that framed of mind is winning over the possibility that maybe I actually can do this! Why do we feel like we are useless and not good for anything? The best thing I could do is change job, that has to be mission number one! Reasons for it: I hate my boss she gets under my skin within minutes! Stuck in the office and surrounded by birthday cake, people giving you chocolate and going to the coffee shop or for 4pm chocolate so on and so forth! No self worth and just self doubt!!!
Need to cut down on carbs!!! Pasta is a killer for me... I have been away for work over the week end and another boss who is really nice kept telling me that I could not keep ordering starters for main course! But this is what I can manage, so happy with that very happy with that. Some clients which I had not seen since January were like, you are looking well. One called me a sexy kitten, hey I take that!!! Thank you very much J J whoup whoup!!! My biggest thing since my last post, is I bought a size 12 maxi dress!!! Now there are three things wrong with that sentence..... anyone would like to have a guess???? Come on tempted???..... First wrong thing: size 12 second wrong thing: maxi style third wrong thing dress!!! I never wear dresses because I have very very big legs and fat knees. But as it is very long, it is fine, size 12 from monsoon, I can quite believe it! And maxi, I am 5 foot 4 and quite short, so never though a maxi dress style would suit me, but my OH picked it from the rack so I felt obliged to try it on, well his face and that look said it all!!! I felt soooo sexy.... but started at size 16, then try 14. My friend and the lady at the shop said try the 12 to see how much difference there were between two sizes and maybe the smaller one would give me the incentive to slim into it. Plan batman but actually size 12 fitted me fine, ok maybe few pounds would be even better but size 12 fit and that’s all that matter. Plus that look on his face, if only I could have taken a picture hi hi hi J Plus for the first time I actually cannot wait for the weeding to be over so I can still wear it around town in the evening looking absolutely fabulous!!! And this is the key to our journey pips!!! Concentrate on the positive non food related to feel good about yourself! Someone said to me yesterday which strike a core in me, She said you are really looking afer yourself now a days. (I said I was getting my hair cut that evening) and she is right! I now put make up on, got hilights throughout my hair, and she also said I stand up straighter! Confidence is building up slowly but surely. Now my other revelation, TOTM is a killer!! Regardless of what I eat, I blow up!!! But now I don’t beat myself up about it, it is my body and nothing I can do about it. So just wait for that week to be over and start again!!! Roll on tomorrow.... thank you to everyone who reads my diary, it means a lot to me that you guys contribute and support me during my journey xxx

 

[flutterby1966]

Good you are back posting mis. Well done, to size 12 is fantastic! I love monsoon and have just started shopping there too. Focussing on non-weight related goals and achievements really does help. xx

 

[Kay1962]

Well done I can't wait to start getting into smaller size clothes. Can't even imagine the feeling been in these massive tents for so long.

 

[MrsPill]

I think we need a photo Mis!!! x

 

[flutterby1966]

I think we need a photo Mis!!! x

Here, here

 

[miserable]

Sorry it has been a while I have not written on here. In the middle of selling our house and buying another one = stressful!!!

So how have I been? Mostly good but having to face my demons head on and I don’t like!!! I cannot turn to food as much as I used to and it is frustrating. I know this must sound weird, but allow me to explain my chain of thoughts: I have been reading people explaining the differences between volume eater and grazer and therefore which op would be best suited. To be honest I am all of the above, sweet tooth, in volume all day long!!! J L So the sweet tooth is still very much there and it is a demon that will never go away. Volume could be less to be honest as I can eat everything, down a pint of water in one go etc… but at this precise moment in time, it works for me. Because the one thing I hadn’t realised prior to the op and after the op once you start having some sort of restriction is how much I miss binging and the feeling it gave me in the past. I don’t mean the feeling of: I feel like a failure part or self destruction part but the feeling that you are satisfied and full! The shovel it all down my throat as fast as possible, (It now hurts and is a stupid idea to do, try and tested take my word for it no need for you to try and prove me wrong!!!J) weird and sad, my relationship with food and emotions is majorly messed up and it is a really sad realisation to basically realise! God I am never going to be a writer hey! So for me right now, I could have more restriction but I choose not to, not until I am sorting my head out and balance my food / emotion to a healthy level. But I am happy to report I am getting there. Weight loss is slow but it is my entire fault with chocolate bar (we are talking the entire thing!) and more chocolate cake you name it I had it! But I was sabotaging myself because I am also very scared of been thin and getting attention drowned towards me. I guess you are so used to fade in the background than actually be in the middle of the attention people asking you how much you have lots, how great you look etc… when you are not used to it, it is a weird thing to get used to or maybe I am just weird. Ah ah writing this I can hear my OH voice in my head saying MAYBE weird, you are absolutely bonkers, he would be right (but if you tell him that I said he is right I will deny it! J)

BUT BUT BUT, here are the massif positive which are helping me overcoming my demons. The other day, I was speaking with two other colleague about a client matter and they say grab a chair, so I grabbed a wooden chair and we starting talking, within maybe two minutes I realised I must have been seating on something as my butt hurt, so move about could not be comfortable, then it hit me like a train! I was introduced to the bones in my bottom!!! They are sharp, and I don’t have as much padding as I am used to so that painful experience gave me a massif grin on my face! Jesus reading this, people would get the wrong impressions and think I am a sadist or something!!! Lol!

Another positive thing, remember that dress which I bought in January sale which is really working girl looking, could not get it pass my arse when I bought it but was determined to fit into it, well yesterday I wore it at work all day. I think people jaws dropped off as I never wore a dress at work before, ha ah. Slowly but surely I am appreciating the rewards from loosing the weight and that I should not be ashamed and should be proud of showing my new curves off!!!

I think I rambled off long enough for now. Hope everyone is ok xxx

 

[flutterby1966]

Oh mis, we miss you. So much of what you say, I am sure many of us, including myself, have moments like you have too. Great thing is, the fact that we can admit those thoughts, means we are halfway there to sorting ourselves out.

Enjoy those compliments, positive comments, attention ... Ps I know that boney ass feeling all too well xxx

 

[JO28172]

Good to see you're still going strong mis and as for the bony bum.....I'm with you there...ouch

Sent from my iPad using WLSurgery

 

[Mazza]

You will get used to the boney bums girls

Mis, you are doing the right thing tackling those demons rather than having another fill!

Good luck with the house move xx

 

[miserable]

So when I went for my op in October I got rid of all my summer clothes as it was no way size 18 will fit me by next summer, I.e now. So had to go to my favorite designer of the moment primarny... bad news is I spent 62 pounds good news is I bought the entire size12 range whoup whoup